


Out Of Control

by Short_Gay_Punk



Category: Fall Out Boy, Mindless Self Indulgence (Band), My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anxiety, Bottom Gerard Way, Bullying, Cigarettes, Depression, Dom Frank Iero, Dom/sub Undertones, Fluff, Frerard, Friends to Lovers, Gay, Gay Sex, High School, Light Dom/sub, M/M, School, Self-Harm, Smut, Sub Gerard Way, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Top Frank Iero, Tourettes Syndrome, tics, tourettes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:14:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 24,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26242498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Short_Gay_Punk/pseuds/Short_Gay_Punk
Summary: Gerard has had this condition for as long as he can remember. His childhood was plagued with doctors appointment after doctors appointment, but why? It's not like there's a cure, a cure for the judgement, the disgusted faces, the longing for normality.Gerard thinks there is only one way to be cured, what happens when a short, punk, kid rocks up and decides to teach him that maybe he doesn't need to be.Trigger warnings for: panic attacks, self harm, suicide, depression/depressing thoughts, anxiety. If there are anymore that you think need to be added please tell me and I'll add it to the list, every chapter with a trigger will be marked as such but the whole book does deal with these issues so please be safe and bear that in mind
Relationships: Christa Toro/Ray Toro, Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Lindsey Ballato/Jamia Nestor, Mikey Way/Pete Wentz
Comments: 6
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

I quietly followed behind Mikey, well as quiet as I can be all things considered. The bleak washed out sky matched my glum mood, I blinked rapidly and threw my head back which I'm turn made the hood of my oversized hoodie fall down exposing my features further. 

We turned to head into the overcrowded mall and I noticed the depressed looking security guard vaguely glancing at everyone who entered the large building. I managed to pass the guard without incident. As soon as I was clear of the guards steely glaze a flurry of twitches flew across my face and neck "faggot!" I exclaimed without any thought in my usual weirdly strangled high pitched voice which I had fittingly labelled "The Cursed Voice" makes sense I guess.

As me and Mikey headed in our usual direction I nervously pressed my fingernails into the rough, slightly scarred palms of my hands, a bad habit I adopted well over three years ago. In a futile attempt to make myself appear slightly more inconspicuous I embedded my nails into my hand creating inflamed red crescents that dotted along my pale skin, alas this only worked for so long as all of a sudden "fuck you and your mom" worked it's way out of my throat joining the chorus of other random noises that my voice box released without my permission into the warm air, slightly relieving the indescribable tension that was currently present in my neck. "Are you okay?" Mikey questioned worriedly, "yeah, I'm fine, I just didn't have much sleep" I said, smiling gently at my brother who continued to lead the path through the mindless shoppers.

Finally we reached the small comic book shop that was nestled in between a Starbucks and a clothing store at the very back of the large building. Mikey forged through the door that triggered small bell above it to ding slightly. The familiar smell of the store crawled up my nostrils and sank into my lungs instantly relaxing me more as my neck muscles stopped tensing quite as violently. I spontaneously flipped off the curly haired cashier who had no response other than a small chuckle then proceeding to turn back to sorting comics behind the till. I found myself immensely grateful to my late grandmother for bringing me here as a small child as I continued to come even after her passing allowing the staff to not be phased by my random outbursts of noise and uncontrollable movements.

**  
After Mikey found his desired comics, payed for them and chatted to the only member of staff about Iron Maiden or something equally as groovy we exited the warmth of the store and began to retrace our route back to the entrance. 

My sporadic twitching had ceased slightly, calmed by the safeness of the comic book store. "FUCK YEAH TIGERS!" I practically screamed earning a wave of odd looks and concerned comments to be passed around, I sank back into my hair trying not to look at the judging eyes as the left side of my face suddenly decided it wanted to be as far away from the right side as possible and continuosly scrunched to the left.

As we approached the security guard who was still looking bored as there was apparently no teenagers shoplifting to keep him occupied. Mikey briefly threw a concerned look my way as I kept squeaking slightly, and like the last thousand times I did the smile and the reassuring nod.

The entrance grew closer but so did the feeling at the back of my throat, like a tiny man was inflating a balloon in my gullet determined to make me give in. Well not today, I was determined to at least suppress it just this once but after all god hates me or something so it's not that easy. 

I felt the room start to spin and my knees grow weak as I continued to try to suppress but my voice box gave as infront of the security guard and multiple other shoppers I loudly yelled "I'VE GOT A BOMB"

Well fuck


	2. The Vampire Boy

Frank's pov

Much to my distaste the sound of Green Day's 'Basket Case' rudely awoke me, I fumbled around slightly and managed to shut the stupid thing up. Sliding out of bed my feet touched the cold laminate flooring, making me shiver slightly as I padded over to my closet in search of some angsty clothing.

My hunt for angst led me to my well worn, ripped, black skinny jeans, my slightly faded Misfits shirt and tattered black converse. I headed to the bathroom, quickly brushing my teeth an fixing my hair and applying some subtle eyeliner, I gave myself a once over deeming myself to be presentable.

Once downstairs I grabbed a granola bar, shoving it in my backpack to eat on the way to school. I shrugged on my oversized black hoodie, pulled on my fingerless skeleton gloves and headed out the door. The early spring air bit at my ears and nose making me grateful that I thought to grab my gloves.

**

I stood glumly at the entrance to the school awaiting my doom, I entered the bleak building and located the school secretary. "I'm Frank Iero" I said confidently. The secretary who's name badge read 'Miss Claire" looked up at me and immediately made a slight disgusted face at my... Well, face. "I'm new" I told the bored woman. 'oh yes, so you are. Would you like a timetable?" No I want to spend the rest of my day in the front office. "yes, I do" I replied, Miss Claire reached somewhere and pulled out a piece of paper containing my schedule.

After I scurried out of the front office I looked at my timetable and saw that I had chemistry first, I glanced to the map of the school that happened to be placed on the wall almost exactly next to were I was standing, how convenient...

**

Chemistry class passed without incident, as did my next two classes. I entered the lunch hall and much to my disappointment noticed that there were no empty benches, I saw a bench locating only one vampiric looking dude "that'll have to do" I thought to myself.

As I sat down I discretely eyed the vampire looking boy, he had innocent looking hazel eyes, dark black hair that hung in front of his eyes slightly, his features were soft and feminine with a small upturned nose and pink lips that turned down slightly in the corners. 

The boy looked up in surprise "sorry" I said "all the other benches are full" I explained, vampire boy eyed me nervously and threw his head back slightly "n- no, it's o- okay" he stuttered nervously and made a popping sound with his mouth which I chose not to question.

I pulled out the granola bar I forgot to eat this morning and eat it with no enthusiasm, it was really shit okay? I was about to pull out my earbuds when vampire boy suddenly yelled "fuck you, faggot!" My head snapped upwards at the oh so familiar word and I looked at the vampire questioningly. "Oh fuck, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" he started, looking terrified "dude calm down, are you okay?" I asked worriedly "y- yeah, I'm sorry" he quietly said "I have t- tourettes syndrome" he nearly whispered "dude, stop apologizing. It's okay, you should've just said" I said, relieved that he hadn't just purposefully called me a faggot "I can move if you want" the vampire said timidly starting to get up from the table "what? No, please stay. I said it's okay" I told him. He looked at the table questioningly and then proceeded to jerk his head back and middle finger me simultaneously "s- sorry" he started "like I said, I don't care" I said chucking slightly.

The vampire boy, who's name turned out to be Gerard, did actually engage in conversation with me until the end of lunch. Him being a junior and me being a sophomore meant that he was a year older than me. I asked him a couple of questions about tourettes and he happily answered them and explained that it was nice to come across someone who didn't just get up and leave the first time he ticced, which I found completely horrible. Why the fuck would you care so much about something that is absolutely none of your business?

**

I flopped down onto my bed, sinking into the soft comforter, I grabbed my laptop from my nightstand and opened Tumblr. I half heartedly browsed whilst thinking about my day, more specifically, about Gerard, the strange withdrawn vampire boy with a misunderstood disability. I felt bad for him, not particularly for having tourettes, although that must be exhausting, but the fact that no one seemed to bother trying to get to understand his disability and worse still, no one tried to get to know him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi y'all, I was listening to Britney Spears while writing this so I was kinda zazzed
> 
> -Zero


	3. Immature

Gerard's pov

T/W depressing/self deprecating thoughts, self harm

I stood outside the school gates waiting for Mikey, I quickly lit a cigarette and inhaled the dirty smoke, I instantly felt slightly relaxed.

"Fuck me daddy" I ticced, I sighed loudly and stared down at my boots, "shut up you fucking idiot everyone's going to hear" I scolded myself

After five minutes and many offensive tics later Mikey came into view with his bag slung over one shoulder, black flag shirt ruffled.

"Bye Ray" Mikey said as he waved off his friend.

"Bye Mikes" The curly haired boy shouted over his shoulder

"Hi Gee!" Mikey greeted me cheerily, hair askew slightly, probably the result of his friend Pete's alight obsession with ruffling his hair

"Fuck you god!" I ticced loudly, I blushed slightly and looked around to make sure no one saw

"Sorry, hi Mikes" 

Mikey ignored my apology and we began walking home, I hated this, having to wait for my little brother to walk me home. It makes me feel like a fucking little kid that can't do anything without help. Mikey never complains though. I feel bad for him, he shouldn't have to watch out for me, it's should be me watching out for him not the other way around, I'm supposed to be the older brother after all. He should be able to go out with his friends after school and not have to wait until our mother comes back from work.

We approached the same gates to the park that we always walk through on our way to and from school when a familiar sensation arose in my legs. I tried to ignore it and stop the sensation from increasing, to no avail.

"Just a sec, Mikey" I warned as I threw my head back sharply.

Mikey stopped his rant about how Ray had played his guitar in music and how amazing it was.

"You okay, Gee?

I hummed slightly in confirmation as I tightly clenched the muscles in my legs, the horrific sensation in my legs won over however as I buckled and fell to a kneeling position in the middle of the path my legs still tense.

Mikey came and crouched down next to me and looked at me with sympathy as we both waited for it to pass. It eventually did and I staggered back into a standing position and we slowly continued our treacherous voyage back home.

I fucking hate tics that extreme, more so than the near constant spasms and twitches. This is why I have to walk home with Mikey, because being fucking disabled I'm a liability and could get hit by a car or something. Honestly though if I did have a leg disabling tic in the middle of the road I have no idea what Mikey is supposed to do.

"Pigeon!" I yelled as we approached the main road

I threw my head and shoulders back "take me God!" I shouted to the heavens, "for fucks sake" I thought to myself. 

Mikey discretely grabbed my sleeve as we cautiously crossed the busy road, yet again I don't know what grabbing my sleeve would do if my tics just decided to attack me and make me throw myself to the side but if it makes him feel better I won't stop him.

We reached our semi detached house that had little hanging baskets in front of the door, I ticced and whacked one of the baskets forcefully.

"Oh no I just killed so many plants" I said with mock sadness and giggled to myself quietly. Mikey chuckled and unlocked to front door.

"I'm just gonna have a quick shower, 'kay?" I told Mikey who was currently in the kitchen searching for snacks.

"Yeah, I might invite Ray round in about half an hour if that's okay with you?" 

"No that's cool, Ray's nice" I said truthfully, Ray is one of the only people who doesn't mind my tics, well maybe except that Frank who didn't seem to mind talking to me today "He just pities you" my other inner monologue interrupted

I quickly made my way to my room and chucked my phone down on my bed and shrugged off my hoodie. I opened the bottom drawer in my bedside table and rummaged around the back for a while before grasping the metal box. It was an ornate box I had found when we moved in eight years ago, I used to use it to hide candy and my pocket money, it was now used for a very different purpose.

I carefully opened the engraved lid and selected my blade of choice, I brushed the short sleeve of my grey shirt out of the way and pressed the sharp side of the blade down firmly into my bicep before dragging it across my scarred skin. I did this a total of eight times on my right arm, the last one being a little deeper than the rest, and six times on my left bicep.

After wiping clean and putting the blade back in its place I headed to the bathroom in need of a shower.

Later that night I was sat on my phone mindlessly scrolling through Tumblr when the boy from lunch, Frank, entered my mind again. He did seem genuinely nice and interested in learning about tourettes but he probably just didn't want to look like an asshole, even tho it was nice to actually talk to someone, someone cute at that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi y'all! So a bit of a description on Gerard's tourettes, he has coprolalia which is a way of saying he has swearing and offensive tics as well as motor and non offensive vocal tics but not all people that have tourettes have coprolalia.
> 
> Gerard's tics are near constant but obviously it would be too time consuming and to write every single movement and twitch he has so I'm just going to write the biggest most noticeable ones but just keep it in the back of your mind that most of the time he is constantly ticcing.
> 
> Thanks for reading y'all, make sure to comment and leave kudos!
> 
> -Zero


	4. As Gay As The Day Is Long

Frank's pov

I, yet again, get rudely awoken by my hideously loud alarm pulling me out of sleep and into the bleak world of consciousness.

I go through my morning ritual of making myself look as presentable as seemingly possible before saying goodbye to Sweet Pea by giving her a quick scratch behind the ears and leaving the house to attend the hellscape that is school.

I walked into the aging building and towards my assigned locker, I opened it and retrieved the required books for history class.

I trudged off down the hallway wondering why the fuck the architect for this school decided to put history on the top floor. Upon realising that if I didn't quicken up I'd be late I half sprinted up the first flight of stairs, as I rounded the corner I ploughed headfirst into some dude that was probably twice the height and size of me.

"Watch where you're going, fag." The Tall Dude spat out as he shoved me back against the wall.

I felt pain blossoming in my abdomen as Tall Dude punched me in my stomach. I sank to my knees out of both pain and embarrassment.

After a good five minutes of trying to catch my breath and not throw up over the dirt ridden steps I staggered to my feet and hastily started shoving my books back into my aged backpack.

As I started up the first step of the next flight of stairs, intent on actually getting to my lesson this time, the shrill bell rang out informing anyone who was still roaming the halls that they should've been in class five minutes ago.

"For fucks sake" I muttered to myself.

"Ah, Mr Iero, you finally decided to show up" my stuck up history teacher sneered at me.

"Yeah, well I was a bit preoccupied" I retorted, still slightly winded from my encounter with Tall Dude.

"Well I hope it was worth the detention you've just earned yourself" he said smugly as he handed a detention slip to me.

I swear that man's some kind of evil sadist, not that I'd now anything about sadism of course.

After I'd completed my third class of the day, which happened to be chemistry, I trudged to the lunch hall. I retrieved a salad and wandered over to the table I'd sat at the previous day.

On my arrival I found the Vampire Boy, Gerard, sat at the table looking down at a sketchbook I presumed he was filling with a drawing of some kind.

I sat down on the opposite bench and somehow Gerard didn't notice my arrival.

"Hi" I said in an attempt to get his attention.

"Oh" he exclaimed as he looked up in shock.

"Sorry, I didn't realise you were here." He apologised, slightly sheepish

"No problem. What are you drawing" I asked

"A vampire" he said as he tilted the sketchbook my way to reveal the most awesome looking vampire I had ever seen.

"Dude that's rad!" I exclaimed

"Thanks" he said quietly.

"Fuck you bitch" he ticced and immediately blushed and dropped his head.

I laughed a little at the insult.

"Sorry" he said meekly.

"No need. Sorry, I probably shouldn't laugh at your tics"

"No I'd rather you did, it's either that or just awkward silence" he explained.

"Oh yeah I guess so" I said

We fell into a comfortable silence as I ate my salad and Gerard drew vampires. I noticed he ticced alot less often when he was drawing, I wonder what that's about, I'll have to Google it.

The bell rang about half an hour later. Me and Gerard said our goodbyes and parted to go to our next classes.

The remaining classes passed without incident and the time came for my detention. It's kinda strange actually, a kid gets beaten up in a hallway and they're the one to get a detention.

I arrived at the detention room and walked inside to notice none other than vampire boy occupying one of the middle seats.

"What're you doing here?" I said to him, surprised that someone as quiet as himself had gotten a detention.

He middle fingered me and apologised immediately, again I brushed it off.

"Well it's kind of a funny story" he said as I took a seat next to his.

"Fucker" again he apologised and I ignored it and let him continue.

"Well when I was in geography class, for whatever reason I was ticcing really badly" he started

"Suck my dick!" He shouted and I snorted slightly

"And there's this one kid in my class, Brendon, who I really hate and so I kept having tics that were like aimed at him"

"Fuck me!" He ticced

"So I kept having tics aimed at him, really offensive ones, and the teacher thought that because they were aimed at him I was using tourettes as an excuse" he explained.

"What the fuck dude, that's so unfair" I said in disbelief

He hummed in agreement.

"Hold up, isn't there supposed to be someone he like 'supervising' us?" I questioned.

As if on cue the red haired teacher, who'd I'd come to learn as Mr Stump, hurried in with an armful of books.

"Hello again Gerard. Sorry I'm late boys" he said as he made an attempt at somewhat organising his papers on the desk.

With that sorted I began to work on my maths homework that was due. I wasn't a math nerd, or a nerd in any sense of the word but I could get by in all of my classes.

An hour later of maths and Gerard occasionally throwing his pen across the room or swearing the bell rang signalling us to go home.

Me and Gerard stood up and left the room together, we walked to the front of the school.

"Hey" I stopped him.

"Could I have your number? That way we could actually talk outside of this hellhole." I said confidently

"Yeah, sure" he said as I passed over my phone for him to put his number in.

He handed back my phone and I noticed he saved himself as "Gee" which I thought was an adorable nickname.

"You set to get home?" I questioned

"Yeah, I'll just call my brother to come pick me up" he responded quietly.

"Don't bother, I could walk you back if you want." I responded.

He looked torn for a moment before making up his mind.

"Only if you don't mind" he agreed.

I nodded and we began the walk. I noticed Gerard chose to walk on the inside of the sidewalk rather than by the road, I assumed this was something to do with his tics because nobody is this cautious about cars.

We walked through the park and Gerard ticced the phrase "man love rules" loudly at some asshole looking teenagers. I chuckled at this slightly. 

"Your tics seem pretty gay, huh?" I joked

"Yeah they are, I don't know why that is." he laughed

"Are you gay?" I questioned

"Me? No. Are you gay?" He countered

Okay I wasn't expecting that.

"Yeah." I said nervously "that's not a problem is it?"

"Of course not" he replied

I sighed a breath of relief and we continued our walk.

We reached the road Gerard lived on.

"I live just down here, thanks for walking me." He said shyly

"Actually I live up this road too, we could walk back again together tomorrow of you want? It saves your brother from having to."

"Yeah, that would be really cool. Thanks Frankie" he said with a smile as he disappeared into his house. I blushed slightly at the nickname before I walked the short distance to my own house.

Once I'd entered my residence I kicked my worn converse off and left my bag by the door. Sweet Pea came running up to me and I picked her up after greeting her and went into the kitchen.

I noticed a note by the coffee machine I recognised it as my mother's messy handwriting, I read it aloud to myself, "gone out to the pub, be back later, there's food in the fridge."

"Jesus Christ is up with that woman" I said to no one. 

I knew exactly what was up with her however, my dad died six years ago in a fatal car crash. I miss my dad, obviously, but I've learnt to move on, unlike my mother.

My mother never moved on, she still lives in the past, on the nights that she's here I hear her cry herself to sleep asking God why he had to take her love away. I stopped believing in God the day a stern looking police officer arrived at our house and delivered the scripted 'I regret to inform you that Mr Iero has been in a fatal car crash, I'm very sorry for your loss'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to update, I've had alot of school stuff. I had a bit of a mental breakdown last night and cut all of my hair off so now it's a crappy looking pixie mohawk and my mother is hella pissed. 
> 
> Again with Gerard's tourettes the reason he didn't tic as much when he was drawing is because most of the time when people with tourettes are doing something they enjoy like singing, drawing or playing an instrument they don't tic as much.
> 
> -Zero


	5. Trapped

Trigger Warning: panic attacks, self harm

Gerard's pov:

I awoke from my light sleep, yawning from my lack of slumber, my night was plagued with the near constant twitching and tensing of my muscles which were now sore and achey.

"Captain bitch tits." I ticced in my cursed voice. I sighed and swung my feet out of bed, padded over to my closet and started rifling through my few clothes all while my neck was being thrown to the side.

After locating my clothes and adorning my Black flag shirt, black jeans and my white converse, brushing my teeth and doing all bathroom necessities I trudged downstairs, the twitch in my neck still ever present, to retrieve some well needed coffee. 

I operated the machine and sat down at one of the chairs in the dining room that was connected to my kitchen. I eyed the flowers that adorned the dark wooden table as I worked on calming the twitch that had now progressed from neck twitches to squeaking and rolling my eyes as well.

My tics had not ceased however as Mikey arrived in the entrance to the kitchen, he scooped up my now empty coffee mug and placed it in the sink before hoisting his black backpack onto his right shoulder.

"You ready to go?" He asked.

I went to respond but my tics did the job for me and replied with a well timed insult. 

"You okay to go, I can call you in sick and we can stay home." Mikey offered, concern lacing his normally expressionless features.

"No I'm okay" I lied as I aptly slapped myself in the face. I wasn't some six year that need to be looked after by his brother.

"If your sure" Mikey replied, sounding unconvinced.

And with that over, we headed off to the hell dimension that is school.

As we went to cross the large road that was nearly opposite our school, badly planned if you ask me, I felt the familiar tightening sensation begin to take hold on my legs. "No not today, I can suppress it" I thought to myself as we stepped into the road, determined to suppress it this time I began to cross.

About one metre away from the opposite sidewalk, the dizzy sensation of trying to suppress such a large tic began to take hold and my vision started blurring, my legs were pained with the overwhelming pressure, my legs seized sharply of their own accord and before I knew it I was on the ground, legs still tense.

My vision was blurred and my head swam with the after affects if trying to suppress such a large tic, disoriented I vaguely feel the sensation of gangly arms clinging around my waist and hauling me to the side. My vision begins to clear the same time as a eight wheeler truck goes barreling past my spot on the sidewalk.

"Gee, oh my god are you okay?!" Mikey asks frantically as he brushes the hair out of my face.

"'m fine Mikes" I slur as I try to bat away his hands.

"No we need to go home" he says adamantly.

"No, I promise I'm fine" I assure him as he helps me to my feet. It was a total fucking lie but what he doesn't know can't hurt him.

"You can't go to school" Mikey replies determinedly.

"I can, I'm fine. I promise there are no trucks in school." I respond as I make an attempt to hide my ever present neck twitch.

"Jesus fuck I hate you" Mikey sigh as we head in the direction of school.

My brother and I separated upon entering the grey building and I headed towards my history class.

I finally reached the correct classroom after shouting many slurs at multiple student, most of whom looked at me weirdly, started whispering to their friends, or both.

I slunk over to my seat in the back past the many prying, my neck twitch, eye rolls and squeaks still ever present as I tried to make myself as invisible as possible.

"Ah, good morning, Mr Way" my teacher, Mr Jones, greeted.

"Fuck you, bitch" I ticced, I immediately shrunk back in my hair.

"I thought you could suppress those?" Mr Jones sighed angrily.

I didn't respond and just opened my textbook, struggling to find the correct page what with my head constantly being jerked to the side and my eyes repeatedly rolling back.

About fifteen minutes into the hour long lesson, my tics in full swing I yell "fuck the system!" At the top of my lungs.

"Mr Way, I think you should head out until you learn to control yourself" Mr Jones instructs me.

I pack my textbook back into my bag, shrug it over my shoulder and begin to walk out the classroom.

As I near the entrance I feel the familiar feeling arise in my throat again "fuck me daddy" I half moan, everybody in the room starts laughing at me including Mr Jones as I feel the heat rise to my cheeks and tears begin the prick my eyes. 

I rush to the nearest bathroom and head into the nearest stall and chuck my bag down on the floor, I sit down on the closed toilet seat and begin to hyperventilate as tears start to run down my pink face.

I try to regulate my breathing but to no avail, suddenly the uncomfortable feeling arises in a different spot in my neck and without warning I throw my head forcefully directly back and it hits the tiled wall with a large thud.

My tears are flowing freely as I grasp the back of my head, a painful ache resonates from the back of my skull.

Salty tears stream down my face, my neck keeps jerking, my eyes keep rolling back into my head and my scalp is throbbing, my breathing won't regulate itself and the overwhelming sound of my own blood ruches through my ears. The sounds and senses are all so intense that it only fuels my panic, I feel trapped in my own head. In my dazed state of longing for it all to stop I begin hitting my head violently on the wall beside me in an attempt to knock myself out.

My vision becomes blurry and I become increasingly dizzy at the constant impact so much so I don't notice the door that I thought I had locked swinging open. I vaguely register two hands coming to grip the sides of my head, not forcefully, just enough to stop me from enduring anymore self inflicted damage.

"Gee" I hear a gentle voice say.

"Gee it's okay, just focus on my breathing, you're okay." The voice says as someone leads me out of the bathroom stall to sit on the floor against the wall.

"It's okay, Gee. Do you want me to get your brother?" The voice who I suddenly realise is Frank asks. I shake my head, my hair swishing in my face, Mikey will be so upset if he sees me.

"Are you sure?" Frank asks, I shake my head again in confirmation.

Frank strokes his hand through my dyed black hair as he waits for me to calm down fully. I wipe the tears out of my eyes and Frank retires his hand to his side and moves to sit next to me.

I lean my hand on Frank's head softly, tensing the muscles in my neck slightly to try and ease some of the tension.

"What happened?" He questions gently.

"I was in class" I say through shaky breaths, "and I was ticcing really badly" I continue, my voice weak, "and I cussed a bunch so I was sent out but I told everyone to fuck me as I was leaving and they all started laughing and- and it was so embarrassing and they were laughing at me- I didn't know what to do-" I say as I start to hyperventilate and years began to fill my eyes.

"No, Gee, it's okay, you're safe now. I'm here it's okay your safe" he reassures me as he resumes stroking my hair.

I lean into his touch and hastily wrap my arms around his torso, he hesitantly hugs me back, one hand still in my hair, stroking it softly.

We sit there as I cry into his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! So this was a pretty intense chapter, how are y'all doing? Make sure you're taking care of yourselves. 
> 
> To clarify, I'm not sure if this happens to everyone with tourettes but alot if people I know with tics (myself included) get really dizzy and overwhelmed if they have to suppress a really large tic so that's what happened to Gerard in the road, oh, and if any of y'all are wondering, yes, I have been nearly hit by a car in the same fashion as Gerard and that was pretty terrifying. 
> 
> Small self promo but I just started making a frerard smut/fluff oneshot book, it only has one chapter atm but if you were to check it out that'd be rad
> 
> Byyeeeee, make sure to comment and leave kudos, it makes me happy! 
> 
> -Zero


	6. Finally Some Good Fucking Fluff

Frank's pov

*Two weeks later*

As I trudged downstairs to greet my overly energetic dog it dawned on me that it was indeed Saturday and I'd have to entertain myself for once, which essentially meant playing my guitar for eight hours straight.

As I started making myself some coffee in the machine I noticed a sticky note tacked on the black counter next to it, it was a note from my mother entailing how she'd "gone out with some friends" for the day and that there was food in the fridge. I translated this to "I'm off to get drunk, don't starve." Which was probably the most affection I'd receive from my mother ever again.

I slumped down at the kitchen table with my coffee steaming in front of me. I picked at the grain absentmindedly as it dawned on me I hadn't bothered to check the time when I'd oh so eagerly fallen out of bed this morning. I placed my still full mug on the side and trudged up the stairs to retrieve my phone.

I pulled it off charge and unlocked it to reveal two missed messages, both from Gerard. The first was sent at almost ten am exactly, a whole hour and a half earlier than I had woken up, wishing me an all too happy good morning, the other was sent an hour later than the other asking me how I was.

I blindly stumbled back downstairs whilst trying to text at the same time, I responded to both messages with a gloomy message depicting how my mother had yet again left me to get drunk.

Halfway through my cup of coffee my phone began to buzz violently on the table top where I'd left it, alerting me to an incoming phone call.

I picked it up without bothering to check who was phoning me, come on it's not like there's a varied amount of people who would willingly call me.

I pressed the phone to my ear and was greeted with a quiet "hi, Frankie"

"Hi Gee, what're you up to?" I said, becoming find of his self assigned nickname.

"Not much. I was wondering, since my brother Mikey was inviting his 'friend' Pete round later, if you wanted to go out or something. It's fine if you don't- fuck! Want to, I just don't really want to walk in on my brother sucking his best friend's dick." He asked shyly.

"Yeah sure, you can just come round mine if you want."

"Okay- I fucked the queen! I'll be round soon."

"Do you want me to pick you up?" I questioned, I knew he lived on the road directly opposite to mine but it was still a road and I knew he had a dodgy history with cars.

"No it's fine, Mikey can just walk me over or something." He respond, I heard a small squeak at the end, presumably a tic. I smiled slightly at the noise, that, despite being involuntary was still cute as fuck.

"Okay cool, see you soon."

"Bye." 

I was filled with slight excitement at the prospect of spending the day with Gerard, who I definitely didn't have a crush on and who was just adorable as fuck.

It suddenly occured to me that I was currently wearing batman pyjama pants, was shirtless, and standing in the middle of my kitchen holding a half full mug if lukewarm coffee. Not my best look.

I hurriedly dumped the remainder of my coffee in the sink and rushed upstairs to have one of the quickest showers of my life.

After hopping out if my two minute shower and stumbling to my room I quickly shrugged on my black underwear, grey socks, an iron maiden shirt, and my skinniest black skinny jeans which had rips in both the thighs and the knees.

I quickly ran to the bathroom so I could quickly apply some eyeliner, I smudged it slightly and stood back to asses how much of a mess I looked.

Before I could decide if I my appearance was fit to meet Gerard the shrill doorbell alerted me of his presence at my door. Fully aware of how gay I looked I headed downstairs.

I pulled the door open to reveal a slightly disheveled looking Gerard, wearing a plain black wrinkled hoodie, scuffed jeans and black converse, his hair scruffy and slightly greasy, I thought he looked adorable nonetheless though. I looked past his shoulder slightly to see a very tall, lanky boy lurking just at the end of the street.

"Hi, Frankie." Gerard greeted as I ushered him in, he slipped his shoes off and tucked them neatly beside the door.

"Hi, Gee" I echoed as I heard the familiar clatter of Sweat Peas claws on the hardwood floor.

As if on cue my dog came galloping round the corner and rushed over to Gerard.

"Hello, you're adorable- you bitch." He said to Sweat Pea as he lifted her into his arms.

"What's her name?" He questioned as he softly scratched the top of her head.

"Sweat Pea." I responded.

"That's so adorable."

I lead Gerard, who was still holding Sweat Pea, into the kitchen.

"Do you want anything to drink?" I questioned

"Just coffee thanks."

I set about preparing both of us coffee and made idle conversation with Gerard.

I set a mug in front of Gerard, who had sat down at the kitchen table, still petting Sweat Pea. He set Sweat Pea down on the floor who promptly curled up underneath his chair.

"That dogs never gonna fucking leave you alone now." I chuckled.

"Fine by me- faggot. Sorry"

"You don't need to apologise." I said, taking a seat opposite Gerard. 

"I feel like I do though. I don't want to just go around yelling slurs at people and having them think that I mean it." He confessed.

"Yeah but I know you don't mean it."

"I guess, some people have known I don't mean it and still given me shit for it though."

"That's because they're assholes." I said in all seriousness.

Gerard started giggling slightly which was one of the most adorable sounds I'd ever heard.

We sat and drank our coffee in a comfortable silence with Gerard only occasionally swearing or making a rude yet intelligent remark.

"Are you even allowed to have tattoos?" Gerard said, out of the blue.

"I don't think so. I was going to wait until I was eighteen but that's just so long away you know? So I found some people that would do it and just did it I guess."

"I like them, they're pretty."

Pretty was not a word I'd use to describe my tattoos but if Gerard found them pretty then pretty is what they were.

We soon got into a conversation about music, we both had very similar tastes in music aside from a few bands we mostly new about all the songs the other talked about.

"I've actually got a pretty rad vinyl collection if I do say so myself." I gloated.

"I bet you haven't got half as many as me."

"Bet"

I lead Gerard upstairs to my room where he stood for a good minute just gawking at the vast amount of vinyls I owned.

"Impressive." He said after a minutes silence.

"So is it as big as yours?" 

"No. And nor is your vinyl collection."

Later that evening we both curled up on the couch under a large blanket, I didn't know wether to be disappointed that there was at least half a foot of space between us or relived that I wouldn't have to try and suppress the urge to hold his hand nearly as much.

Since I was a self proclaimed gentleman I'd let Gerard pick the movie we were to watch, Gerard being Gerard had picked Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Despite Gee actively enjoying horror films he certainly was a wimp when it came to watching them, I myself had little to no reaction at blood, gore, or jumpscares.

Half of the way through the movie the gap of six inches between us had slowly dwindled to one and I could practically gear Gerard's heart beating.

At one particularly prominent jumpscare Gerard made a startled squeak noise and clutched onto my arm. He nuzzled his face into my neck gently.

"You're warm." He said in a muffled voice.

I was indeed warm but because I was furiously blushing.

By the time the movie ended Gerard had all but crawled into my lap and didn't look very intent in moving. I don't think he was intending to stay this late in the first place but who was I to complain.

I switched the TV off and pulled the blanket up to me and Gee, effectively cocooning us. Gerard yawned into my shoulder slightly, making me realise just how tired I was.

I shifted onto my back slightly where I, involuntarily, fell asleep, Gerard's breath ghosting lightly over my neck, head resting lightly against my chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, as always thanks for reading, I didn't actually think people would read this. It's kind of a coping mechanism for me in a way? Anyway
> 
> This was mainly a filler chapter but it was cute.
> 
> Halloween's just around the corner, if you go out anywhere make sure to stay safe and Covid free, just because the rules allow you to go out doesn't mean it's entirely safe. I'll be in Scotland if it hasn't locked down by then and I kinda don't want to go because I don't like my family all that much but I don't really have a choice.
> 
> \- Xo Zero


	7. This one's extra spicy

Gerard's pov

*Slight smut warning*

I lay in bed scrolling mindlessly through Tumblr, the rain slammed against my windows harshly creating pleasant background noise. I huddled closer under my dark blue duvet, craving the extra warmth.

I pondered on last week's events, it was the next Saturday after I'd accidentally slept over at Frank's, more like on top of Frank but whatever. Our friendship was steadily growing and we talked almost non stop.

My neck jerked sideways slightly which in turn made my neck crack loudly. I always preferred the night, my tics were never quite as aggressive. A bit less violent and intrusive. No one talked to me either which was a massive plus, I wouldn't mind talking to Frank all night though, that would be nice.

Frank probably wouldn't though. He'd find me annoying, he probably already does in fact. Everyone does after a they get to know me. I mean who would want to hang out with me? Someone who can't even control their own voice. I hated that the most, being out of control.

I glanced at the time on my screen and noticed that it as now 3:44 am. It was getting late so I decided to try and sleep, I pushed my laptop under my bed after plugging it on charge, and nestled into my bed.

_My eyes were shut gently "it's okay baby, I'll be slow." I heard my best friend say. I felt him lean down and begin to pepper my kneck with kisses, instantly relaxing me. He stroked my cock and I felt him push in slowly, I winced slightly from discomfort._

_"Good boy, you're doing so good." He cooed at me._

_My now open eyes raked over his body, tattoos prominent on pale skin. He pushed his full length in and allowed me to adjust for a moment._

_I stared into his soft hazel eyes and nodded slightly, a sign for him to move. He began thrusting slowly, calloused hands wove their way through my slightly greasy black hair, tugging at the strands gently._

_A soft moan escaped my lips, my body engulfed in pleasure as he hit my prostate forcefully. "Oh fuck Frankie" I breathed out softly as he licked a stripe up my neck and continued to hit my spot with dead on accuracy._

_His thrusts got ever faster as moan after moan escaped both our lips, connecting and forming a sensual mess in the air around us._

_He began jacking me off again, impossible fast, as pleasure began soaring through my body._

_"Oh Frank, oh fuck, oh fuck-"_

My eyes shit open and I sat bolt upright, my vivid dream flooding back to me.

I felt the aching heat between my legs confirming that I, Gerard Way, had just had a wet dream about my best friend. A vivid one at that.

I tried to settle down and go back to sleep but the mental images if my previous dream invaded my mind. Frank's sweaty body clouded my vision, the pleasure that I'd somehow felt still fresh in my memory.

I had no other choice but to fix my situation. So that's what I did. Frank's body still plaguing my mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this one's a lil shorter than normal but it's my first time writing smut so give me a break. Seriously I need to get more practice because I felt like I was writing a wikihow article. With that in mind, have a great day/night!
> 
> -Zero


	8. I Don't Want Alot For Christmas, All I Want Is Gerard's Dick

I stood outside the mall, a tall unclean building, awaiting Gerard's arrival. The Misfits blared through my earphones as I stared awkwardly down at my feet. The dust covered buses roared past, sending hot dirty air gushing to my face.

Slight bickering and laughter filtered through my earphones, I glanced up and saw Gerard walking with Mikey and Pete on the other side of the road. They stopped to cross and I noticed Mikey inconspicuously grab Gerard's sleeve as they stepped into the road. They crossed, however, without incident and we were soon huddled in a small group together.

"Hi, Frankie- you faggot." Gerard greeted, his black hanging lightly over his face, somehow making me want to reach out and brush it away. I shook this thought out if my head and welcomed all three of them.

We were about to head inside when Mikey abruptly pulled me to the side.

"Gerard seems to really like you, okay? You're his first proper friend but I swear to god if you take advantage of him in anyway, wether it's related to his disability or not, I will not hesitate to fucking kill you." This, understandably, took me aback and I struggled to form words. I had no idea the Way brothers were this close.

"Dude I'd never do anything like that." I finally managed to stutter out. It was true, I could never dream of hurting Gerard in any way.

"You better not. Now that's sorted I think it's best to return to the other two before they start to ask questions." Mikey said as he walked back to Gee and Pete. Leaving me to stand wondering what the fuck just happened.

We entered the large building and immediately split off into our two respective groups, Mikey and Pete headed off to the comic shop and me and Gerard headed off in the opposing direction because even though it was November Gerard insisted he had to do some Christmas shopping.

"What did Mikes- fucker, drag you odd to the side for earlier?" Gerard questioned as we navigates the hoards of seasonal shoppers all fighting for the best deal on whatever the latest gadget was.

"Oh it's was nothing important." I said, brushing his question aside. "What are you getting exactly?" I asked, hurriedly trying to change the subject.

"Oh, well Mikey needs a new- oh fuck I'm hard, cable for his bass so I need to go to the music store, I don't know what else to get him."

"At this point I think the best thing you could do is to set him and Pete up." I chuckled, thinking about the natural chemistry that seemed constantly present between the two teens.

Me and Gerard idled around the mall for a while, he ended up getting Mikey an amp cable and a Misfits poster from the music story, Gerard also called the cashier a Man-Whore who seemed un-bothered, Gerard explained that they knew eachother vaguely as he frequently visited the shop. I brought some James Hetfield signature guitar picks and pick tin because my clumsy ass keeps losing them. I also visited a hot topic quickly becuase I felt in need of more band merch and purchased a Queen shirt and a Ramones hoodie.

Gerard suddenly rushed towards a Doc Marten store and entered and immediately swore, I saw him shrink back slightly into his hoodie as people began to glance in his direction, I headed after him. I didn't want to be killed by Mikey after all.

I found him browsing the rows after rows of leather and suede boots.

"Whatcha looking for?" I questioned, eyeing the large pricetags.

"I'm not sure- I'm the daddy, what do you think Mikey would like?" I chuckled slightly before responding.

"That's a kind of expensive present, don't you think?" 

"I guess. He does so much for me and I don't feel like I ever show him how much he means to me."

With that conversation still floating in the air Gerard chose a pair of regular black boots with thick soles and mean looking buckles and found a pair in what I assumed to be Mikey's size. 

We headed towards the queue and I noticed Gerard get immediately more nervous, the twitch in his neck became more violent and prominent, the various noises he occasionally made were near constant and he started furiously biting on his lip.

"You okay?" I whispered quietly to the now pale boy beside me.

"Yeah- fucking shithead daddy!" He blushed an embarrassed shade if orange as more people started to whisper about him.

I noticed him digging the nails of his spare hand into his palm, that looked painful and from a slightly longer glance I noticed the slight scars embedded in his palm, presumably from this habit. 

After a moments hesitation I grabbed his free hand in my own, his hands were slightly rough yet soft in my own. Our hands seemed to interlock perfectly and I heard him breathe out a slight sigh of relief, I'd like to think I was the cause of his slight relief but I didn't want to get my hopes up.

After many more moments and curses from Gerard we reached the cashier and Gerard promptly paid and we rushed out the store.

Gerard quickly seeked out a bench and sat down on it trembling slightly, he began intermittently wringing his hands and digging his nails into the pale flesh. He furiously wiped his eyes as they started watering. He threw his head back repeatedly, somehow more and more violently each time.

I sat down hesitantly next to him and grabbed his hands "it's okay Gee, you're okay." I assured him, I knew the shop was too much for him to have everybody staring and whispering at him.

"N- no, I'm- FUCK! Not. I'm s- so fucking embarrassed."

"No it's okay Gee, it doesn't matter what they think." I told him. Fuck everybody, do they ever fucking consider that the person they're having fun whispering about and pointing at is an actual fucking person?

I rubbed circles in the backs of his hands with my thumbs absentmindedly as he tried to control the panic attack he was clearly about to have. 

He hugged me tightly and I whispered comfortingly into his soft hair as he calmed down, neck tics occasionally causing him to headbutt me, I didn't mind however.

"I-m sorry." He stuttered 

"Please don't be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wasn't quiet expecting this one to be as dark as it ended up being so sorry 'bout that luvs. AND HAPPY HALLOWEEN Y'ALL!
> 
> -Zero


	9. Cute Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For context I've started marking Gerard's tics in _italics_ just to make it a bit more obvious, I'm gonna go back and do all of his tics like that. I would've from the beginning but I was really new to ao3 so I didn't know how. Anyway here yall are

Frank's pov

My frozen hands knocked fervently on Gerard's front door, the wood cold and hard under my knuckles.

The small impish boy appeared a few moments later, a scarf haphazardly wrapped around his neck and one converse hanging off his foot slightly, hair ruffled and a slight amount of eyeliner smudged along the waterline if his eyes. " _I'm part of the itty bitty tittie committee, fight me!_ " He ticced and we both laughed slightly at the pure strangeness of the phrase.

"Hi, Gee." I greeted, still chucking slightly.

"Hi, _fuck my wife_. Don't do that."

After Gerard had made the sensible decision to actually sit down and continue putting his shoes on we headed out towards the town.

We made small talk as we walked, occasionally getting weird looks for the strange phrases Gerard yelled, it rude gestures he unintentionally pulled. I pulled my skeleton gloves that I had been tucked into my pocket, thankful that I had remembered to grab them after delivering a glass of water and Advil to my sleeping, albeit drunk mother.

The lights of the town grew closer as we trudged slowly towards the center of town. The council had strung up some Christmas lights for the holidays in an attempt to at least seem like we had some Christmas cheer about us.

The lights officially turned on yesterday evening but we chose to avoid the crowds and come see them a day later instead.

" _Fuck my ass, father_. You know they're actually surprisingly pretty." Gerard mumbled slightly, lost in a slight trance. The warm glow of the fluorescent lights beamed softly down in his features, the soft light highlighting his cheekbones and bouncing off the tip of his pointed noise.

We wandered into one of the local coffee shops  
A family owned business run mainly by a large Italian man with a squint and a warm smile. His name was Giovanni and I knew him fairly well as a result of my recent visits, often in need of late night or early morning boosts of caffeine.

A small bell above the dark green door sounded as I eyed the small amount of customers present in the shop. Though the number of people was small I was still unsure how comfortable Gerard would be.

I glanced behind me to try and gauge my friends mood, his near constant neck tic had become slightly more forceful but he flashed me a small smiled nonetheless.

Gerard apparently knew the overly eccentric Italian well because as we approached the counter to order our well needed caffeine the man burst into conversation.

"Ah Gerard, hello, hello. Long time my friend." Giovanni greeted merrily, his strong Italian accent complimenting his way of speaking.

"What can I get you boys today huh? Maybe a nice candle for the table eh, a little romance maybe." My face blushed a deep red (not orange you fuckers) as words I was trying to say fumbled around in my head.

"We're fine thanks, Giovanni. I will have a caramel macchiato though. _It tastes like shit_. Sorry, it doesn't." Gerard piped in.

"No need to apologise my dear friend, what will your pretty date be having?"

"Uhm I'll just have a black coffee please." I mumbled, face flaming hot as Giovanni turned to prepare our drinks.

I pulled off my gloves and went to get out my wallet to pay for out beverages when I felt a poke on my nose followed by a "boop" I looked up to see my lopsided vampire twitching vigorously.

"I'm paying." Gerard said adamantly as he stood holding his wallet.

"I was going to."

"Well now you're not." Said the impish boy.

"I invited you out therefore I'm paying."

"Well now that's why I should pay." He countered 

"This is my one and only chance at being polite and gentlemanly, don't ruin this for me." I pleaded.

"Let your pretty date pay." Giovanni called back to Gerard from where he stood with a bag of beans.

Hd huffed indignantly "fine but I'm paying next time. There won't be a next time where you're going."

I laughed at that before paying for our drinks and finding us a seat towards the back of the shop.

We sat in comfortable silence as we steadily drank our respective drinks, hands still frozen and lips still numb from the early December frost.

"You know I nearly killed my dog this morning." I commented as we neared the end of our drinks.

" _Little shit deserved it_. Why was that?"

"Aight I was reorganizing my vinyl collection 'cause it gets a little messed up sometimes, well they were on my bed as I sorted them and that little fucker decides now's a great moment to hop on this dudes bed and snap his fucking Number Of The Beast Album." I exclaimed angrily.

" _She's gonna be hanged_. Oh my god, that's actually sacrilegious."

"I know right, I'm so pissed."

Once we left the coffee shop we decided to go towards the park and play a fun game of 'don't get stabbed by the drug dealers and perverts' it's a fun game.

We sat on the swings idly floating back and forth, beat up sneakers dragging along the ground softly.

"How the fuck does the universe just like go on infinitely?" Gerard randomly questioned.

"Well idk it just doesn't stop I guess." 

" _Oh fuck my dick_. Well duh but like look upwards yeah." I obliged "you're literally looking at forever."

I stared towards the inky mass of nothing, pass the inevitable aliens and planets and cosmic dust of the universe, I guess I was looking at forever.

I threw my eyes towards Gerard and noticed the twitch in his neck had diminished slightly. We connected eyes for a moment and I stared into the hazel pools of colour, like nebulas bursting across an open landscape. It felt like looking at forever, I decided I liked forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took as long as it did, I had to completely redo the content for this chapter because I just couldn't write it at all. Anyway it's here now so I hope you enjoyed.
> 
> \- Zero


	10. The gift of sweet, sweet gayness

Gerard's pov.

Slight trigger warning for self harm, he doesn't do it but briefly looks at his scars and ponders it slightly

I sat in the front room awaiting Frank's arrival, it was Christmas day and I asked Frank if he could stay over for the night, unsurprisingly, he agreed.  
I drummed my fingers on the plush couches as I, yet again, read the time which displayed 7:33 pm.  
A recognisable knock sounded through the house. "I'll get it." I announced to the rest of my family members. I opened the door to a slightly disheveled and tired looking Frank holding a small stack of presents under one arm.

"Hey Gee." He greeted warmly as I invited him inside.  
Once he'd removed his shoes and placed the gifts on the coffee table he pulled me into a tight hug, his warm breath hitting my cheek and making me blush slightly.

"Merry Christmas, Gee."

"Merry Christmas, Frankie. _you fucking asshole"_ I responded as I hugged his small frame tightly.

We separated from our hug and I booped him on he nose, it had started out as a frequent tic but soon became a habit that I had to do at least once everytime so saw him because he is just so boop-able.

"So I got you some presents." The tattooed boy said, gesturing the the two presents that were present on the table.

"So did I, I left 'em upstairs let me go grab them- _you're such a fucking slut."_ I replied, hasty to present Frank his gifts.

"Oh, believe me, **I know** " he said with a wink, I rolled my eyes and headed back towards the stairs

I leaped up the stairs to my room and pulled Frank's not so neatly wrapped presents, you try doing perfect gift wrap when your arms are flailing left right and centre. I quickly checked my appearance in my mirror and caught sight of my far too prominent eye bags and washed out complexion. Hoping that my slightly outlandish "skull with Christmas hat" jumper would distract from my ghastly features I headed back down the stairs.

As I entered the front room I was met by the hilarious sight of my sweet cat Mitch attempting to claw his way up the oh so shorts legs of a startled Frank.

"Gerard your cat is attacking me." He said without a hint of fear in his voice.

"Indeed."

I pried Mitch off Frank's jeans after placing his presents on the coffee table and ushered Frank to the couch to sit down. My neck flared up painfully as I went to grab the first of Frank's presents, insisting that he opened his first.

Frank eyed the first, a small box covered in black wrapping paper adorned with zombies wearing Santa hats, it was very Frank. He eagerly ripped the paper from the small box and hastily opened the lid.

"Oh my god Gee, thank you, they're so perfect." He said as he slipped on the soft fingerless skeleton gloves I had gifted to him.

He wiggled his finger experimentally and giggled slightly at his own movements.

I went to hand him his next present but he insisted he wanted to see me open one of mine before he opened another.

He passed me the smaller of the two lying on the table, a soft, squishy package. 

I gingerly tore the present open, admiring the slightly more conventional sparkly snowflake design printed over the paper.

I unfold the item of clothing as it fell onto my lap. I eyed the Black Flag sweater grinning. " _I hate it._ No I don't I promise, I love it." Frank giggled to himself and pulled me into a hug, I wrapped my arms around him softly "thank you Frankie."

I ran upstairs to change into the sweater, I pulled my current hoodie off and my face fell as I eyed the scars on my arms. My recent cuts had been less severe compared to any prior injury's, not to mention less frequently. I sighed and my new sweater over my head and my mood returned to its previous state.

I entered the front room to be met with Frank petting a relaxed Mitch who was perched in his lap.

"Finally, you become friends." 

"He's soft," Replied Frank, gently petting Mitch's fur. "You look adorable in that sweater by the way."

I blushed and fiddled with the hem of the oversized grey clothing.

I returned to my seat and handed Frank his remaining gift. Mitch leaped off his lap as he unwrapped the flat gift.

Frank's eyes widened as he gently brushed his fingers over the top of the vinyl.

"Thank you so much, Gee." He hugged the Number Of The Beast vinyl to his chest.

"I-I th-thought you'd like it, y-you know 'cuz your other one got broken." I replied, my stutter reappearing.

My face repeatedly scrunched up as he thanked me profusely.

I delicately unwrapped his gift to me and gasped when I was presented with a beautiful leatherbound sketchbook, delicate patterns carved into the cover.

"It's beautiful, thank you so much Frankie." I said earnestly as I ran my fingers over the spine of the book.

As I hugged Frank again I nestled my fave into his shoulder slightly and exhaled deeply. He really did make me feel safe.

As both me and Frank pulled away I felt a slight sensation running through my arm, I wasn't quite sure what it entailed but before I could give it much thought I had slapped Frank square in the face.

"Holy shit- _my dick is on fire,_ I'm so sorry." I apologised as I reached out to caress over the red mark forming on his soft cheek.

Frank on the other hand was laughing profusely at the mishap "oh my god, don't apologise."

"B- but I slapped you." I stuttered out, my hand still resting on the soft slope of his face.

"Like I've said, you didn't fucking mean to so you don't need to apologise." 

I huffed, pulled my hand away and shuffled into the sofa. 

After two minutes of me sulking Mikey walked in asking if we want coffee, we both accepted. As Mikey turned back to the kitchen the dark haired muppet called Pete bounded in and wrapped his arms around Mikey's neck, taking him by surprise.

"Oh my god you fucker." Mikey grumbled.

Pete dragged him back into the kitchen, bickering about how he loved him really.

"Ten bucks they'll fuck in two weeks." I said, mainly to myself.

"Three weeks." Frank replied, confident that my brother would indeed be fucking his best friend in less than a month.

"Deal."

Me and Frank lay on my bed, cuddling slightly, The Nightmare Before Christmas was playing, even though I was adamant it was a Halloween film Frank was convinced it was a Christmas movie. Yeah totally.

Frank's hand had found it's way to my, slightly greasy, black locks and was running his fingers through it gently, making me tics decrease tremendously I nuzzled subconsciously into his hand slightly and I noticed him smile out of the corner of my eye. I relaxed into his touch my eyes feeling heavy.

When my bleary eyes reopened the room was completely dark, the television had been long switched off. My arm was draped over Frank's strong chest, the comforter pulled haphazardly over the both of us. The light from a nearby lampost fell neatly across Frank's relaxed features, his mouth open slightly, his breathing soft and shallow.

I cuddled up further into the short boy's warm body and yet again swiftly fell into the world of slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know it's only November but you getting the Christmas chapter becuase I can. Also brace yourselves for the next chapter becuase for the next few it's gonna be _interesting_ and quite depressing.
> 
> \- Zero


	11. I Fucked Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so some-fucking-how I managed to upload the chapter that was supposed to be after this in place of this one. Yeah you might as well shoot me, so if you got confused last chapter as to wtf happened just know that wasn't supposed to go up

Gerard's pov

Only the soft scratch of the pen could be heard as my digital clock ticked over to two am. I signed the bottom of the lined paper with a flourish, I folded it with shaky hands and held it in my palm.

I drew a shaky breath and quietly exited my room, I glanced forlonly to the room next to the one I was about to enter, my eyes cast upon Mikey's room. "Goodbye, little brother" I whispered quietly. I tore my eyes away from the door and silently entered the bathroom.

I placed the note pride of place by the bathroom mirror and reached up to open the cabinet in which held my death.

I tried to suppress the tic that was working its way up my throat, but to no avail. _"ah fuck Frankie,"_ I let out in a half moan.

"I'm so sorry Frankie." I thought to myself

I thought of going back to at least message him goodbye but thought better of it, so not to arise Amy suspicion I carried on with my plans.

Once I'd retrieved the full bottle of pills which I'd once had been prescribed for tics but refused to take due to extreme side effects I uncapped them and placed them next to the note momentarily and stared in the mirror.

"So long and goodnight." I said to my reflection and one by one began to swallow every last pill.

By the time I reached the bottom of the bottle I'd lost count of how many pills I'd consumed and my head felt like I'd been bashed with a brick.

The urge to vomit washed over me like a poisonous tidal wave and I was forced to sit down against the wall.

Fighting back nausea I stared through the small window up to the stars. I'd always believed that when someone died they merely died and that was that, left in the ground to be forgotten, but now, so near to the end and so peaceful I couldn't help but think otherwise

My head throbbed as I tried so hard not to vomit, can't throw up the precious pills of death.

My view of the stars became fuzzier as more of the toxic medicine made it's way further through my bloodstream. The pain in my head had become almost unbearable and I lulled to the side. My body resting on the cold tile floor.

My sweaty palms rested on the floor, picking up dust as my eyes struggled to stay open.

Without much conscious thought the contents of my stomach had worked it's way out of my mouth and was now very present on my tiled floor. The smell hit my nostrils immediately, I would've gagged if I wasn't already preoccupied.

I continued to dry retch long after my stomach had been completely drained of any fluid. Colours began to dance in front of my eyes, I tried to reach out to touch them but found my hands to feel heavier than lead, so they just sat limp in a puddle of my own vomit.

My vision darkened as I felt myself begin to slip away from reality, the darkness felt so enticing as I tried to let go.

I was all but entirely passed out when I barely noticed a light above my head being switched on. I heard a faint shout that sounded somewhat familiar followed by the soft touch of someone gently stroking my hair along with panicked shouts to what I can only presume was someone else.

I could barely comprehend the desperate pleas of my brother's voice as I fell into the oblivion.


	12. It's The Right Order Now I Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the chapter that I already uploaded but now it's in the right order so my apologies for that fuck up

Frank's pov

I glared at the overly smily posters as I stalked towards the front desk, my sneakers scuffing the linoleum floor.

"I'm here to see Gerard Way." I informed the blonde receptionist, her pink lipstick reflecting the yellow florescent lights.

"Are you family?" She questioned, her overly cheery voice making me want to break something.

"I'm his boyfriend" I lied, not wanting to miss the chance of visiting him.

"Excellent," she briefly typed something into the computer, her purple nails clacking against the keys noisily, "he's in room 403, on the third floor."

"Thanks." I mumbled and stalked off in the direction I presumed the elevator to be.

Once I'd found the elevator I practically punched the corresponding button that would lead me to the third floor. Thankfully I reached the floor without another human entering the lift, and stalked off to find Gerard's room.

After fifteen minutes and alot of walking I came to the conclusion that I was indeed lost, I sighed loudly and turned around to continue in the direction I'd just come from.

After another fifteen minutes I walked into a tree. Except it wasn't a tree it was Gerard's brother.

"Oh my god I've been calling you, where the fuck have you been?" His bloodshot eyes hidden behind his white glasses.

Before I could spit out an answer he wrapped his lanky arms around my neck, "I found him Frank, I found him, I thought he was dead." My heart broke for the fifteen year old. He had showed me how much he cared for his brother over the few months that I'd known them both and the thought of him finding Gerard half dead and passed out on the bathroom floor made tears prick in the corners of my eyes.

I gripped onto Mikey's shirt and ran my hand up and down his back comfortingly, he drew a shaky breath and unwrapped his limbs from around my body.

"D'you know where you're going?" Mikey asked as he wiped tears from beneath his glasses. I shook my head in response to his question.

"I'll take you to his room." 

I followed behind the lanky boy, struggling to keep up due to my much shorter legs.

We passed room after room, and wandered an amass of bleak corridors, the same yellow lights pounding into my skull.

"Whaere's your mom?" I questioned, wondering how his mother was coping with the recent events.

"She's getting coffee, she's been up all night." 

We rounded a corner and Mikey stopped at a room, the white door almost disguised against the walls that were matching in colour.

"He woke up at some point this morning but he's probably asleep again." The boy warned, I nodded slightly, just wanting to see my raven haired vampire.

"Gerard asked me to tell you something this morning," he said, sniffing. I nodded cautiously, "I didn't know, none of us did," he drew an unsteady breath, seeming to mentally prepare himself, "Gerard has been self harming. We don't know how long for, he refused to tell us, but he asked me to tell you so he didn't have to tell you himself."

Now it was my turn to hug Mikey, I found my arms around him as I gripped onto the back of his black flag shirt. "I'm so sorry, Mikey. I didn't know." 

"I know, it's okay."

We untangled ourselves and Mikey pushed the door open and revealed the fragile boy, his dark hair splayed out on the white pillow. The ever present bags under his eyes were darker and more fierce than usual. His pale complexion almost melted into the sheets. My eyes fell over his arms, or more specifically his scars. They were a battleground filled with a mix of deep scars and fresh cuts. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes yet again and threatened to spill over. I noticed an IV line that pierced through the scarred skin on his arm, ensuring he regained the fluids he lost.

Mikey had called me crying, early in the morning, it had taken me until the sun was almost up to calm him down enough to receive any comprehensive speech from him. He told me through sobs and gasps that he was in the hospital with Gerard. My heart had dropped, similarly to when the news of my father had reached me and my mother. When Mikey had told me about Gerard's attempt the world seemed to stop spinning. My hand went limp, the phone tumbling into my bed, being lost in the sheets.

Hours later, as soon as fate would permit, I was stood in the hospital room of the boy I cared so much about. Watching his pale frame lay on the sterile hospital bed, the first tear rolled down my cheek but I forced myself to hold back for Mikey's case.

"I'm gonna go find my mom," said the boy in question "I'll leave you to it." I didn't respond as I heard the soft click of the door shutting behind me.

I slumped down in a nearby chair as my eyes rain over the frail boy, I eyed the wires in his arm worryingly, remembering the conversation we had about his immense phobia of needles.

My hands started shaking as the tears I fought so hard to control reappeared and started making their way down my cheeks. I grabbed his soft hand in my own calloused one.

"I'm so sorry, Gee," I whispered, my voice unsteady and shaky.

I rubbed my thumb in steady circles over the back of his hand as I wiped my tears away with the palm of my free hand, but to no avail, tears kept falling profusely down my face as I choked in ragged gasps.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't notice, why didn't I notice?" I sobbed.

I thought back to all the times we spent together, how he had never worn short sleeves and even inside when the central heating insured the warmth of the house he always insisted he was cold.

I steadied my breathing slightly and looked down at my own forearm, mindlessly tracing a faded line near the crook of my elbow. I thought back to all the times I had done exactly what Gee had, never on quite this scale however. I had stopped when I first started playing guitar, using that as a coping mechanism rather than taking a blade to my skin.

I stared at my feet for a while, trying not to cry again, when I heard a slight murmur, my head shot up to look at my vampire. His loose grip on my hand tightened slightly and his eyes fluttered open groggily. He wiped his eyes with his free hand sleepily.

"Hey, Gee." I spoke softly.

"Hello, Frankie." He said all too casually. "What're you doing here?" He questioned, his voice scratchy and raspy, presumably from shovelling an abundance of pills down his throat.

"I was worried about you,"

"Why?" He asked as he sat up slightly.

"What'd you mean why? You tried to off yourself." I responded bluntly.

"I didn't think anyone would care." He mumbled.

Upon saying these words he seemed to notice that his arms, and in turn his scars, were completely uncovered despite presumably seeing them the very same morning. He crossed his arms tightly, pulled his knees up to his chest to cover them and rested his head on his knees, his greasy hair cascading downwards.

"I'm sorry, Fuck, Frankie. I didn't think-" his words were cut off with an avalanche of sobs.

I wrapped my arms around the older Way brother and rested chin on the top of his head, I rubbed my hand up and down his back, feeling the rough material of the hospital gown he had been dressed in.

"I care, I promise. Today and always."

He lowered his knees and uncurled his arms only to re-curl them around my neck. His bony fingers gripped my hair as he shuddered out sobs into my shoulder.

"It's okay, Gee. You'll be okay."


	13. I Love Andy But Brendon Can Go Die In A Ditch

Gerard's pov

My neck furiously jerked faster than two horny rabbits as I stood nervously outside the entrance of the bleak school building.

Swarms of students passed me without a care, rushing to get to their lesson before the bell rang signalling their imminent doom. It had been a week since my attempt, my mother had let me have a week off school due to my insistent begging but had demanded I went back before I "fully became a hermit" and believe me I was willing to go full hermit if it meant I didn't have to return to hell but much to my dismay she insisted.

I yelled multiple slurs at multiple people and shrink further into my oversized sweater, the very same sweater my endearingly small friend had gifted me for Christmas. I fiddled with the hem as I finally pushed through the large doors into the entrance hall.

I faintly heard the word "spastic" along with "faggot" come from somewhere in the room, I scrunched up my face repeatedly as I glanced over to the corner where a group of girls stood staring at me in a very inconspicuous manner, they stopped however when I turned to face them. Their seemingly identical appearances made it hard to tell them apart but I made a mental note to try and avoid them.

I approached the staircase when my view was blocked by two bricks. Sorry not bricks, Andy and Brendon but there's hardly any difference. 

"Oh look it's the faggot." Sneered the taller of the two.

"Heard he tried to kill himself the other day." 

My heart all but stopped at those words, my brain frozen trying to figure out how they could possibly know about that. My palms grew sweaty and my neck felt like it was going to snap off with the ferocity of which it was ticcing.

I was pulled out of my daze when the shrill sound of the late bell echoed around the now deserted corridor.

"Guess there's no one to hear you now." Brendon spat at me.

I tried to run but was immediately pulled back by one of the two grabbing onto the back of my backpack which was soon discarded as I was thrown into some random persons locker.

I slumped to the floor, thoroughly winded. 

The first of many blows was landed to my stomach by none other than Brendon Urie's foot, the force of the blow made me want to throw up and caused my eyes to water. 

I knew trying to fight back would result in nothing more than a severe beating, that and there was no way someone such as myself could effectively overpower two experienced assholes.

The next kick was aimed at my face, landing square at my nose. The pain immediately blossomed over my face making me wonder if my nose had broken, the warm blood gushed over my open mouth making me choke. I covered my already battered face with my arms and curled up in a ball, the brunt of the abuse now being aimed at my back and sides.

For a solid ten minutes I felt nothing but pain as I tried to zone out. My torso ached with the constant abuse as I tried desperately to keep my fave covered, blood still pouring profusely out of my nose and onto both myself and the already dirty floor.

Eventually Andy and Brendon got bored with my their torture and the kicking ceased.

At some point in the whole ordeal the sleeves on my sweater had rolled up slightly, "oh look, the fag does cut himself. Do it deeper next time." Taunted Andy as he and Brendon slinked off somewhere.

I lay on the floor for a good five minutes further as I tried to regain a steady breathing pattern and for the pain left from my beating to calm for just a moment.

I eventually pulled myself into a sitting position, realising my nose had now fortunately stopped bleeding, I tried to concentrate my blurry vision. I looked down at myself wondering how I would get the blood and dirt stains out of my sweater.

I hauled myself to my feet and trudged the five feet to retrieve my bag. Coincidentally there was a bathroom right next to where the assholes had decided to kick the shit out of me. 

I trudged inside to asses my appearance. I eyed my reflection in the cracked mirror, my nose was bruised but didn't look broken and my fave was covered in enough blood to make a vampire go crazy but aside from that my face was fine. 

_"I'm gonna fuck your mom, watch out."_ ticced, the noise echoing off the walls.

I gingerly lifted up my shirt, my skin alight with fiery pain. My back and sides were littered with a multitude of colourful bruises, looking almost like an abandoned water colour painting. A long graze streaked up my side as well as many other smaller ones that were dotted over my back. I sighed in annoyance and discomfort as I lowered my sweater back down, the sweater in question was covered in mud and dirt front to back and I let out an exasperated sigh at the sight of it.

I trudged out to the back of the building and sat down on the floor, I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I considered calling Mikey but I didn't want to worry him more than he already was.

Thirty minutes of ticcing and crying on the ground later I heard the sound of footsteps nearing the wall I was sat by, I hastily wiped my tears away and tried to make myself look like I wasn't having a mental breakdown.

"Gee?" I heard a familiar voice call to me, I looked up to see my disheveled punk peering down at me, I will admit it made a nice change.

_"Bitch tits."_

"Nice to see you too." He responded jokingly, it made me giggle slightly. "What're you doing out here?" He questioned, a worried tone lacing his voice.

"I could, _fuck, I could fuck you, fuck_ , say the same to you." I said, interrupting myself multiple times.

"Having a fag." 

_"You're always having a fag, faggot."_ My face blushed red and I buried my hands back in my hands. 

He laughed in response and came to sit down at me, his beat up red sneakers crossing into my line of view slightly.

"What happened to your face?" He spoke out the side of his mouth, an unlight cigarette dangling from the other side.

 _"My parents are cousins."_ ticced.

"No they're not, what happened?" I heard the click of a lighter followed by the sound of Frank taking a drag of the death stick.

I looked up and snatched the cigarette out of his mouth and brought it to my own, taking a long drag and breathing out slowly. I felt my shoulders relax and my long cravings satiated slightly.

"Didn't know you smoked." 

I held the cigarette up to his mouth, allowing him to take a drag, it was his after all.

"Used to," I took another drag, "mom found my cigarettes and snatched em off me, now she practically sniffs me every time I walk through the door."

My friend snorted at that slightly "Now face, what happened?" The punk asked, insistent for an answer.

"Andy and Brendon beat the shit outta me." I said, lifting the side of my shirt up to reveal the mass of bruises and grazes.

"Gee what the fuck?! Holy shit that's not okay."

"It's not the first time." I shrugged, taking another drag casually.

"I don't care a fuck." He stood up and held his hand out to me, I grabbed his hand and he hauled me to my feet.

"Come on, I'm taking you home." 

I stomped out the fag and traipsed after my friend to the school entrance.

When we reached the first of two main roads Frank not so inconspicuously grabbed my hand, I turned and raised an eyebrow at him.

"I don't want your tics chucking you in the road." He mumbled awkwardly, a dark blush flooding his face.

"Sure thing, Frankie." I said, putting extra emphasis on his name. _"Do you want a cock?"_

"I mean last time I checked I had one."

We reached my house without any mishaps, _"I've got a bomb."_ I ticced as I pulled my keys out of my bag and unlocked the door.

"D'you want a drink- _a bottle of piss?"_ I asked, my cursed voice bouncing around the kitchen.

"No but I do have to sort you out or those grazes will get infected as fuck."

"You don't, it's fine Frankie I promise." I tried to reassure him despite the slowly growing pain on my sides and stomach.

"Where's your medical kit?" He asked as he rifled through the cabinets.

"Bathroom." I mumbled as I stood sulking against the wall.

He ran off upstairs presumably in search for the medical kit in question, I took the time to reassess my recent wounds, lifting my shirt only to find the once fresh bruises lightly yellowed, and the harsh grazes stung even stronger.

Frank reappeared a minute or two later clutching the medical kit he had been searching for, he flung it ok one of the counters and undid it hastily.

He beckoned me over to where he stood, I scuffed my way over mumbling something about how unnecessary it all way.

"Well maybe so but I don't want you back in hospital so sit down and shut up." That did it's job of shutting me up and I slid on to the countertop and glared at Frank angrily.

"Can you lift your shirt up?" He asked, slightly calmer than he was thirty seconds before.

I begrudgingly lifted up the hem of my shirt to reveal the colourful display painted across my torso, "jesus Christ, Gee, how many times has this happened?"

"'bout four or five." I shrugged.

I heard him sigh angrily as he wet some gauze under the tap, he stormed back over to me and start gentling cleaning the main scrape up the side of my ribs. I hissed slightly at the unexpected pain in turn making the punk immediately apologise.

I leaned back against the wall as his soft jand

 _"I'm not going back to jail!"_ I ticced and immediately after slapped Frank in the face, _"feel my wrath bitch."_

"Well that was a rollercoaster." The boy said as he gently applied Neosprin to the wound.

Frank applied a gauze patch to the graze before returning to the sink, "there, good as new." 

"You should be a doctor, _Doctor fucking Who bitch."_ I said, chucking slightly

"Nah, not really my thing, I'm not good with people."

"You're good with me." I countered.

"Yeah but I actually like you."

I slumped on the sofa with Frank after we had inhaled some coffee, he had wrapped his arm around me and was fiddling with the ends of my hair. We had been scrolling through Netflix and decided on watching Sherlock. 

My eyes felt heavy and everything seemed a little fuzzier, the soothing motions of Frank's hand in my hair slowly lulled me off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I'm pretty sure I fixed that little fuckery with the chapters, now we're back on track ☞ ಠ_ಠ☞
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, got some fluffyness
> 
> -Zero


	14. Gay shit <3

I stood outside Gerard's window, shivering from the mid January breeze. The emo gremlin in question had told me he'd be out five minutes prior, leaving me stood outside in the freezing cold. The soft thunk of water dripping from a nearby gutter rang out into the cold night.

I messaged him again asking him to hurry the fuck up and as if on cue the door swung open and revealed my vampire, he was slightly more appropriately dressed than myself. He was donned in a grey hoody and combat boots whereas myself was wearing my usual ratty converse and leather jacket that was practically necrotic with wear and tear.

"Hey, Frankie." He greeted, his voice lowered so not to rouse his mom and brother.

I greeted him in the same manner as he quietly slid the door shut, the soft click sounding much louder than reality in the desolate street.

He ruffled my hair as he came to stand next to me, his warm breath becoming visible in the cold night air. An air of slight fog hang around the two of us, as one would expect after heavy rain,

We walked in silence until we were a good five minutes away from the house, the only noises being Gerard's tics and usual background noise of cars and the soft buzzing if street lamps.

 _"Faggot!"_ Gerard announced as soon as we'd crossed the first of the two main roads, "jesus I've been suppressing that the entire bloody time." 

I chuckled lightly in response as we carried on in comfortable silence towards the high street.

After another five or so minutes I was jolted out of my own head by Gerard asking me how I was, "I'm good, cold as fuck." I responded, a shiver running up my spine almost to emphasize my point.

"That's because you're stupid, that fucking jacket is gonna be- _fuck, fuck, fuck,_ the death of you." He chided.

"Maybe but at least I'll die looking like a rad mother-fucker." I said grinning upwards at my friend, our height difference being emphasised by Gee's boots.

"You don't happen to have any cigarettes do ya?" He pleaded.

"Oh for fucks sake, I'm not being the one to get you hooked on these things again." 

"Oh please," he begged, dragging out the "e" in "please" I caved at that point and rummaged through the inside pockets of my decaying jacket before I returned with a slightly crushed pack of fags and my familiar purple lighter.

I held a death stick up to his perfect lips and lit it before doing the same to myself. My vampire took a lot drag and blew the deadly smoke up into the night sky, making the dangerous habit look like more of an art form than an addiction.

"You're brother's gonna kill me if he finds this out, jesus, kidnapping you and giving you smokes on the same night? He'll have me hanged." I half joked.

"What he doesn't know won't- _Cock_ , hurt him."

I supposed that was true, I'm sure the boy was already doing unholy things with that fuck of an emo, Pete, he had no room to talk.

I took another drag of my cigarette and exhaled the toxic smoke out into the already polluted air, the warm orange glow of the nearby supermarket shone onto the floor, making reflections dance in the puddles and cast evil looking shadows on to the side of buildings.

We chucked our fags into a nearby puddle and entered the store immediately being met by the same yellow glow, only stronger, the flourescent lights beaming down on the sleep deprived and mostly drunk shoppers.

We adjusted to the bright lights, being slightly dazed by the change of atmosphere before getting our bearings before heading off in the direction of the aisle which we both knew the alcohol to be in and also happened to be at the other side of the store.

We finally reached the designated aisle, filled with mostly overpriced beverages which sat pride of place on the shelves. 

We pondered our choices momentarily, before I reached for the cheapest bottle of red wine I could see. The green glass reflecting the bright lights of the store.

I presented the bottle to Gerard, eyebrow raised questioningly, "some wine for the lady?" I joked.

"I will fucking beat you."

"I'd totally win," I smirked. He snorted at my statement and turned in the direction of the checkouts, "hey don't say that," I chided, "I'm... Scrappy."

"I'll take your word for it," he responded, "I'm paying this time." 

"But-"

"Shush, you've played for stuff like every time, my turn." He informed me, I huffed angrily, wine bottle in hand, and followed him to the checkout.

It dawned on me that neither of us were actually legal drinking age and began questioning why we'd even done this. Before I could raise my perfectly valid point to Gee he had already approached the only cashier, he looked at me expectantly as I plunked the glass bottle on the checkout.

Despite expecting a request to see some ID I was surprised by a solemn "that'll be four dollars twenty five." Gerard dug around his wallet for a moment before handing over the required amount of money, picking up the bottle and sauntering off leaving me to catch up with him.

"I'm wearing a bra!" He announced, handing the wine bottle to me.

 _"How- are you?_ " I asked, getting distracted from my original question.

"Not today."

"He didn't ask for ID." I stated.

"I know, lucky right?" He shivered slightly as we stepped back out into the cold Jersey air.

"What would you have done if he had?" I asked.

"I dunno, legged it." 

I snorted slightly, "you do not seem like the type to nick alcohol." I mused.

"Oh- _fuck my ass,_ you'd be surprised Frankie." He said, eyeing me mischievously.

I was slightly surprised to hear this, the quiet boy seeming far too timid to do anything even slightly illegal.

We reached the deserted park after ten minutes of wandering the desolate streets. We sat on the swings, the seats still slightly damp from the recent rain, Gerard ran his fingers over the raindrops that collected on the chains, _"it's like lube."_

I opened the wine bottle easily and took a large mouthful, cringing slightly at the taste before passing it to my companion. "God, what would Mikey say? Stealing me from my room, giving me fags and underage drinking? You naughty boy Frankie." He finished the sentence with a wink before tilting the bottle back, letting the dark liquid flow into his open mouth.

My cheeks blushed a fierce red at the comment, I looked down hoping the lighting from the solitary street lamp was dim enough to disguise my heated face.

We passed the bottle back and forth, making conversation about aliens and fuck all, after an hour the dark contents of the green bottle had been entirely drained. 

We were both buzzed, not quite tipsy but we had both had enough drink to lower our inhibitions, I was just maybe slightly more buzzed than Gerard. Understandably, seeing as Gee had probably had a fair few more drinks than myself purely because of his age.

Giggling, we stood up to head back home, I stumbled slightly, my inherent clumsiness highlighted slightly by the alcohol. Gerard gripped onto my hand to steady me, his strong grip comforting. 

The dim glow of the nearby street lamp highlighted his face in the best way possible, creating an almost ethereal glow around him, his magnificent hazel eyes only contributing to his angel-like appearance  
The colours of his irises pooled and swirled, beautifully at first glance but on further examination revealed something darker, more broken.

The sound of the distant cars and soft rustling of trees seemed muted, my sole focus on my Angel. My perfect broken Angel.

Before my clouded brain knew what was happening I had lunged forward and planted my lips on his, he stayed frozen, unmoving, before he too began to reciprocate my movements. I felt his arms grip onto the sides of my hips, sending lighting shooting up and down my body. I wrapped my arms around his neck, our lips synchronised and passionate, fireworks practically shot through my brain.

We gently separated, I stared into his familiar eyes, a slight spark seemed present, his eyes seeming a little less broken than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This spicy shut to make up for the many, many days of radio static. Very spicy indeed. Hope y'all enjoyed.


	15. Gay Shit

Gerard's pov

I spat my black hair out of my mouth as I tried to shove the key into the lock. Another gust of wind blew a large bunch of my hair into my eyes, I hissed into surprise and tried to bat it away from my face. I heard my short punk friend snicker behind me before he grabbed the keys from my hand and jammed them in the lock.

He opened the door and held an arm out as if welcoming me in, "it's not that windy." He laughed.

"You can't talk, raccoon looking mother fucker." I commented, gesturing at his half shaved black/blonde mess.

"I'm the raddest raccoon you've ever seen." He smirked as he closed the door behind me

I hummed in agreement as I slipped my shoes off and began to walk into the living room, I only made it about five feet into the room before I let out a demonic shriek, and it wasn't a tic. "Fuck, I won." I hear Frank say behind me. 

"WHY DID YOU FUCK ON THE SOFA!?" I screamed at my brother, who was once laying on his emo friend chest but had moved to grab a blanket to cover himself and Pete, both of them clad in only boxers.

"IF YOU TELL MOM I'LL FUCKING END YOU." he threatened, pointing a finger at me menacingly.

"I'm not- _Brexit,_ that much of an asshole."

I looked over to where Pete was laid back on the sofa, smirking, he seemed all to relaxed considering the situation.

"Oh my fucking god, just please don't do that on the sofa." I yanked Frank's hand and dragged him into the kitchen. I sat down at the table with my head in my hands, "this house is a fucking nightmare."

"At least they were being safe." Frank shrugged, getting to work on the coffee.

"What?"

"There's a condom in your bin."

"Jesus Christ."

Frank worked on the coffee as I slumped further into the table. I looked up as the door opened to reveal a half dressed, slightly flustered, looking Pete Wentz, "hello boys." He greeted casually as he walked over to the fruit bowl picking up an apple and biting into it as he leaned back against the counter.

" _Hello faggot."_

"Oh you owe me ten bucks by the way." I heard Frank say as he placed a steaming mug of coffee in front of me on the table.

"Fucking great."

The emo boy left the room and I heard his footsteps on the stairs, "I'm never gonna look at Mikey the same again." Frank snickered at that.

I pulled out my wallet and dug around a bit until I found ten dollars, the coins making clunking noises as they spun aroun on the wood.

"Don't spend it all at once." I joked as Frank pocketed the change.

"That's dinner sorted." Frank mumbled, mostly to himself. I had never questioned Frank's living situation entirely but I had never met his mother and Frank never seemed to mention her much, her entire existence seemed to be permanently erased from all possible conversation topics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So possibly three chapters today because I'm a lazy bastard who uploads I'm my wattpad but forgets to on here <3 
> 
> Anywhore, how are y'all?
> 
> -Zero


	16. The More Alcohol The Gayer Gerard Is

Frank's pov

My phone buzzed eagerly from where it was placed on my bedside table, scaring me as I had zoned out and was almost entirely focused on Stephen King. I dog eared the page I was on and picked up my phone, I turned it over to reveal the identity of the caller, finding out it was Gerard who had phoned me. I accepted the call only to be met with the muffled sound of trashy music and shouting from presumably college kids.

"Gerard where the fuck are you?" I whispered, heading downstairs so not to wake my sleeping mother.

"What?!" He half shouted half slurred.

"Oh Jesus Christ," I mumbled, "where are you?" 

"Oh, haha, 'm at a house." I heard the sound of crashing followed by ruacus laughter.

"Which house?" I questioned, slipping my converse on and grabbing a hoodie.

"Dunno, lemme ask." He slurred, there were the sounds of muffle followed by a whole lot of slurred speech before Gerard relayed the house address back to me.

"I'm coming to get you." 

"Wait, wait, wai-, no no, 'm havin' fun, ain't this fun? This is so much fun. _Pikachu."_

I hung up briefly and called an Uber before stepping onto my outside porch to wait as I called my friend again. Gerard picked up on the fourth ring, "Frankie? Oh my god I missed you."

Ten minutes of freezing to death later the Uber arrived outside my house and I climbed inside, "where to kid?" The driver who was a gruff bearded man questioned, I repeated the house address to him and he started off into the night.

I turned my attention back to Gerard who was somehow still on the line, "how much have you had to drink?"

"Dunno, alot? The glasses, what're the little glasses? Them ones." I practically face-palmed at his question, his voice slurred and scratchy.

"Shots?" I questioned, already knowing the answer.

"Ah hah! Them's the ones, you're so clever Frankie. I'm so grateful for you yanno? Like I'd probably be like hanging from the rafters or something without you, and then I'd be all pecked by birds and shit. Man I love birds, beaks and shit." Gerard continued to ramble as I had a crisis in the back of a stranger's car, a metaphor for my life in of itself.

About twenty minutes of rambling later we approached the road Gerard said the house was on, "are you outside?" I questioned, already hearing the shitty music that blared from the house.

"Yep, there's stars and shit. Oh! Frankie we should make a spaceship! We could like travel space and shit and it'd be fantastic, oh I love you Frank." 

"I love you too now where are you?" I asked as we pulled up outside the house, a myriad of teenagers littered the front lawn, many of them making out or grinding on eachother, the air stunk of booze and weed. 

I quickly spotted my vampire laying on the floor, one hand holding his phone up to his ear which he was still talking through, another hand held up to the sky, tracing patterns in the air. Shortly after a scruffy looking blonde man promptly tripped over my friend and layed face down on the floor.

"Can you just wait a sec while I grab my friend?" I asked the Uber driver, he happily obliged and I headed out the car and made my way over to my vampire. 

I hung up the phone, "Frankie? He left me!" I heard Gerard cry from in front of me. I stood over him and snapped my fingers over his nose, "Frankie! You're back!" He shouted, his mood instantly changing.

"Come on, I got a cab." I said, trying to haul him upwards.

"But I'm having fun." He hiccuped slightly before flopping back on the floor. I groaned in annoyance, and began trying to drag him to his feet again.

"You're not having fun, come on." I finally managed to get his arm around my shoulder and began to lead him away from what looked like an explosion of testosterone and drugs.

I manage to shove him into the back of the cab and promptly struggled to pull the seatbelt across him, I sat back in my seat and let out a slight of half relief half exasperation. "You going back where you came from?" I heard the driver call, I agreed and thanked him in the process.

"Look, Frankie, there's zebras on the floor. Look at the zebras." Gerard gasped as we passed over a zebra crossing.

"That's nice, Gee." 

"You know what? I'm gay!" He announced, face smushed into the window, his breath fogging up the glass. 

"Are you really." I sighed in exasperation as Gerard attempted to unbuckle his seatbelt.

"Yes, 'm as gay as the day is long."

He finally managed to free himself and collapsed backwards, his head planting itself in my lap, he gripped his my knee with one of his hands and I found myself stroking his hair absentmindedly while I tried to process the entire situation.

"I really love you Frankie."

"I love you too Gee."

"No I like really love you. Yanno what? We should go make out in a park again. Yeah. That was fun, wasn't that so much fun Frankie?"

"Yes, Gee, it was fun." I agreed, hoping to god that he'd just stop talking, of course, he didn't.

I looked up from my vampire to contemplate my life when I noticed the Uber driver smirking slightly, "he's interesting." He commented.

"He sure is." I agreed

"Frankie?"

"Yes Gee?"

"Whossat?" He questioned, pointed at the driver, words slurring together almost incomprehensibly.

"He's driving us back so I can get you some Advil."

"That's nice of him, he drove you here and now you're looking after me and now he's taking us back so you can do magic and shit so he is the foundation to our success."

I heard the driver snicker at that and I decided to keep silent and just prayed that Gerard finally shut up.

It wasn't until we were five minutes away from my house that Gerard did actually shut the fuck up and fell asleep.

I looked down at my Vampire, he looked alot more peaceful in his sleep, less shitfaced. I wondered if he actually did like me but quickly banished the thought from my head, the last time he consumed any alcohol something similar had happened, I assumed he just had a weird alcohol driven persona.

The front of my house became visible and I got to work waking Gerard up from his seemingly deep sleep, I finally got him to sit up bit he still leaned on my shoulder until the Driver parked us outside my house.

I fished around for my wallet momentarily and pulled out the required amount and handed it to the driver, "thanks mate, sorry for probably stinking up your car with alcohol." I apologised as I dragged Gerard outside.

"No problems, good luck with him." He said, nodding at my half asleep friend who stood with one arm round my shoulder, swaying slightly.

The car sped away as I assessed what best to do with my friend, "right I gotta get you home, your parents are gonna be worried as fuck."

"No, no, no, please, I said I was at yours, cuz I'm a liar." He slurred, his eyes half closed. 

For the millionth time that night I sighed and began to lead Gerard up to my house, I lent him against a wall as I unlocked the door and shoved him inside.

I entered my home and locked the door only to turn around and see Gerard laying on his back on the floor, "c'mon, take your shoes off."

"No."

"Fucking hell." I mumbled to myself and crouched down to unbuckle his boots.

I pulled his shoes off and placed them by the door, all while my vampire remained laying where he was.

"You know what, Frankie? I relapsed, and none of you know! Ha! Take that."

My heart sunk, I never expected him to stay clean from self harm on his first attempt but hearing him confess that to me directly broke my heart. He might as well have hit me with a fucking brick.

"It's okay, we'll talk about it in the morning." There would be alot to talk about in the morning I thought as I practically pulled Gerard up the stairs.

I opened my bedroom door with one hand while supporting Gerard with the other, last thing I needed was for him to fall down the stairs. I switched the light to my room on and sat Gerard on the bed, I sat next to him and heaved a sigh as I buried my head in my hands.

The last thing I expected however was for Gerard to try and start kissing my exposed neck, I yelped slightly and jumped up from the bed.

"Have sex with me." Gerard demanded, it didn't have quite the impact with his slurred voice and drooping eyes.

"No!" I protested.

"Why not? You're going to hell anyway."

"Becuase you're so fucking drunk" I reasoned.

"Am not. You have my consent, so much consent your drowning in it."

"Gerard. No. If you want this when your sober then you're more than welcome but no way in hell when you're like this." I began pulling back the duvet on my bed and bundle a still rambling Gerard into it, "Just sleep, or you gonna be even more screwed in the morning."

"Goodnight Frankie." I heard him yawn.

"Goodnight Gee."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so fun to write you have no idea. Stay tuned for the next chapter.
> 
> \- Zero


	17. Chapter 17

Gerard's pov

Trigger warning for self harm

"please don't kill me." I pleaded as I sat on Frank's sofa, my left hand mindlessly picking the loose threads. It was two days after I decided to get absolutely smashed and had to call Frank to collect me. The day previous had consisted of me lying in Frank's bed with a splitting headache and consuming enough water to fill the Atlantic Ocean.

The boy in question handed me a mug of coffee and took a seat next to me, "I'm not gonna kill you." He assured.

"That's a good start. _D'ya like my titties?"_

Frank snorted slightly in between sips of his coffee, "so why did you end up getting hammered at a house party? Doesn't exactly seem like your style."

"I'm glad to see you think so highly of me." I said sarcastically, "felt depressed, _pikachu,_ shit happens." I explained, slumping further into the plush sofa cushions, determined to hide my blushing face behind the Star Wars mug I was gripping maybe just slightly too tightly.

"That's understandable," he said calmly, sipping from his coffee.

" _Fuck the queen_ , you're not mad?" I asked timidly, worried that he'd burst out yelling at me for being so foolish.

"Why would I be mad?" He questioned, "you can do what you want, I don't think it was particularly wise but I have no room to talk."

"Oh." I said simply. My head shook vigorously side to said and I tried to suppress the feeling in my neck.

"We do need to talk though," he continued and I immediately blushed wondering what I'd actually done that night that was worth talking about. "Do you actually remember anything?"

"Frankie did you see me? I was fucking pissed." I laughed.

"You were, you called the Uber driver the "foundation to our success,"" he said, making air quotes with his free hand, "that's irrelevant at the moment though and I need you to answer the next thing honestly."

My head immediately filled with all the terrible things that I could have possibly done to merit this conversation, my breathing quickened slightly and my chest began to constrict with worry, my head jerk began again although this time I couldn't suppress it.

"Hey it's okay," Frank assured me, placing his hand on mine, I immediately became very conscious of my scars that lurked beneath the sleeve of my hoodie, the new cuts that littered my skin despite my brother's and Frank's attempt at getting me to quit. "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to freak you out."

I nodded weakly, still very panicked, I hugged the mug I was holding to me chest, almost as if I expected it to form some sort of physical barrier between me and the outside world.

Frank placed his mug I'm the coffee table and drew a deep breath before he continued, his eyes darting around the room, begrudged to look me in the eye. "When I got you back to my place the other day you were kinda just spouting nonsense but you said that you'd started self harming again and didn't tell anybody." Frank said quietly, his voice wavering slightly, he swallowed thickly and finally drew his eyes up to meet mine.

His words hung heavy in the air, no noise seemed to reach us, my friend hastily waited for an answer though I suspected he already knew the truth. My palms grew sweaty and I hastily placed the mug down in the coffee table, worried that it would slip out of my grip. I yanked the hand that Frank was holding away from him and rubbed my eyes furiously with the heels of my palm, determined not to start crying.

"I'm sorry," I said brokenly as the first of many tears fell down my cheek, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so stupid, I never should've told you, I'm a fucking idiot." My chest grew infinitely tighter and my loose fitting hoodie felt impossibly restricting, all the external noise that was once present became fuzzy and lost as the noise in my head grew louder and louder.

I alternated between ringing my hands together and aggressively wiping away the tears that fell over my face, my head was a cacophony of noise but the only words playing were "he knows, he knows, he knows, you fucking idiot." On a confusing loop.

My head jerk had grown worse and made my neck burn from the repetitive motion, the sensation of that and the constricting feel of my clothes swarmed my brain like hornets, their sharp stings infiltrating every fold and crease of my brain.

After what felt like a millennia slowly driving myself insane in a panic induced frenzy I was drawn back to earth slightly by the feel of Frank's warm, calloused hands grasping my own, it was at this point I realised I had been repeatedly hitting myself in the side of my head. My temple throbbed from the blunt force and my skin felt uncomfortable, I felt as if I needed to take a very long, very cold shower.

"Hey, Gee, I'm sorry, it's okay, your safe." Frank's comforting voice swam through the fog in my brain, easing the pressure building up in my skull slightly. I looked up at him and noticed his eyes were slightly red, as if he'd been trying not to cry.

"I'm sorry, Frankie." I whispered, my voice cracked and rough from crying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I tried I swear, I failed, I'm stupid, I just want you to be proud, I'm sorry, I failed." I rambled all but sounding like a madman as I began to tremble again and my heart rate started to quicken yet again.

Frank began rubbing soothing circles on the back of my hands, I made an effort to focus my mind on his movements rather than the aggressive noise threatening to fully consume my brain again.

"It's okay, Gee. I'm not mad, I promise. I could never be mad. I'm so proud of you. I know it's hard but you're trying." He assured me, his voice quiet and gentle.

I suddenly jerked my hands away and wrapped my arms to my chest, trying to protect my cuts from the distraught eyes of my best friend. "You can keep your scars, it's okay." 

He held out his arms, warily as if I'd run away at the slightest movement, which, in fairness, was a safe assumption for him to make. 

I wrapped my arms around him, and buried my head into his neck, I drew an unsteady breath as I felt Frank run his strong arms reassuringly up and down my back.

"It's okay, Gee, I'm not mad."

"I love you Frank." I said hoarsely, my shaky voice muffled by the hem of Frank's shirt.

"I love you to, Gee." He responded, his voice sounding almost sorrowful and far away, as if he was pondering a memory he'd rather bury.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun, fun, fun. Kinda...
> 
> How are y'all?
> 
> \- Zero


	18. Gayer Shit

"stop squirming." Gerard criticised as he ran the Sharpie over my arm.

"It tickles." I huffed, blowing my fringe out of my eyes. I watched Gerard's hands as he carefully sketched out the design on my left arm. 

"You said you wanted Mary crying blood so stop complaining." He said as he whacked me in the nose with the pen, he had a point but no one can stop me being a bitch.

His raven hair fell over his eyes and I reached out to brush it out of his face, he grinned up at me momentarily making me blush before he returned to his work.

Five minutes later I was snapped out of a random daydream by the feeling of Gerard blowing the ink dry, he lifted his head up from where he'd been invested for the last half hour, "done." he said and I examined the sketch on my arm. 

"Oh my god she's so rad," I grinned, "dude she's so sick."

I stood up and stretched my legs that had been pinned under me while Gerard drew on me, I walked over to where he was stood by my desk. He booped me on the nose.

"Hi." I said quietly. He wrapped his arms around me and leaned his chin on my shoulder, his warm breath hit my ear, making me shiver. I put my arms around My Vampire, my hand resting gently on his lower back.

I breathed in heavily, a warm fuzz seemed to settle over my brain as I relaxed against Gerard.

We pulled apart. Gerard's warm hazel eyes scanned my face, his brow furrowed ever so slightly.

He jerked his head to the side, making his dark hair fall in his face again. I brushed it behind his ear, my hand stayed in place at the side of his face.

Our eyes met again and time seemed to slow down, all background noise seemed fuzzy. Our lips collided suddenly, all common sense seemed to fly from my brain as our lips moved in sync. Gerard's hands moved, one traveled to my lower back, the other moved to the back of my neck. We broke apart, "want you so fucking bad." Gerard half moaned into my ear.

"Are you sure?" I questioned. He looked into my eyes and nodded. I pushed him up against the wall and resumed our impromptu make out session.

I brought my lips down to his neck and began sucking a hickey below his ear, he let out a breathy whine as I lifted off, I examined the red, turning purple, mark on his neck, the colours replicating ink that spread out under his skin. He moaned breathily as I applied pressure to the mark using my thumb.

I reattached myself to his lips and began guiding him towards my bed, he gently fell down onto the comforter.

I straddled his hips hastily before I took a moment to appreciate the sight held before me, his lips were swollen slightly, glinting with saliva, his pupils were wide as his hazel eyes appeared to scan my face. His chest moved rapidly with his rapid intake and outtake of breath, his black hoodie wrapped around his frame like a prison blocking my view from his body.

He brushed his thumb over my swollen bottom lip and pulled me back to his lips down by the back of my head. Our moans mixed in the heavy air as our lips fought ferociously and our hips ground together desperately.

I pulled off after a few moments and tried to regain the ability to think straight. I felt Gerard buck his hips up onto my own, a small whine leaving his bruised lips. I pulled off my shirt quickly before running my hand over the zipper on his jeans. "Can I take these off?" I questioned, surprising myself with the tone of my voice. He nodded desperately, his pale hands grasping at the dark sheets.

I worked his belt undone and allowed him to lift his hips so I could pull off his black jeans, I threw them to the side and worked off my own pants. I turned back to the bed wear Gerard was pulling off his shirt, revealing the pale scars that zigzagged across his torso and arms.

I replaced myself back in his hips, feeling his bulge press against my own hard cock. I leant down, my lips grazing the shell of his ear, "you're so fucking beautiful." I whispered. I licked a stripe up his neck, the slight sting of sweat collected on my tongue.

I lowered myself down so my head was nearer his dick, I mouthed at the bulge in his underwear, he bucked his hips up slightly, breathy moans filling the room, the air heavy and hot.

"Can I take these off?" I asked, toying with the waistband of his black boxers with my fingertips.

He nodded at me, his cheeks flushed with red. I pulled his underwear over his pale hips, his hipbones protruding slightly, I tugged his underwear off the rest of the way before removing my own. I planted a kiss to his pelvis, just beside the soft trial of hair leading down to his hard, aching cock.

I licked a stripe on the underside of his dick, "is this okay?" I questioned, looking up at him, his black hair splayed out beautifully on the dark pillow, his chest moved up and down rapidly as his eyes projected something only describable as pure bliss. He nodded vigorously in response to my question and threaded his hands through my own hair.

I gave his cock two quick strokes, rubbing my thumb over the slit, I heard him moan in response before reaching over to grab lube and condoms from my bedside drawer.

I returned to my place on the bed and popped open the cap on the lube, proceeding to cover three of my fingers with a generous amount of the slippery substance. I brushed my hand gently against his slanted hip bone.

I brushed my index finger against his hole and felt him clench at the touch, he released a breathy moan into the air making me smirk slightly. I pushed a finger into him, he batted eyes quickly out of discomfort. 

I stretched him as much as I could with one finger before I added another one slowly, his face scrunched up slightly as I rubbed small circles on his small hips with my free hand. I stretched him with both fingers, occasionally massaging his prostate just to see his face relax with pleasure. I continued stretching him with all three fingers before I deemed him suitably stretched and withdrew them.

I tore open the the silver foil that contained the condom and rolled it on my neglected cock, a moan leaving my lips at the sensation. I spread more lube over my dick and lined myself up with Gerard's hole. I gazed over the boy spread out before me, one of his hand coming up to thread through my hair. 

I leant down and planted a soft kiss on his lips as I pushed inside him. He let out a disheveled moan as I bottomed out and pushed the back of my hair down so my lips met his. We kissed viciously as I began slowly thrusting into the quivering boy beneath me.

Both our moans grew louder, intertwining in the moist air as my thrusts grew deeper and faster. Rows of hot stings travelled down my back as Gerard subconsciously raked the nails of his free hand across my hot skin, the other hand stayed firmly planted in my black hair, tugging slightly. 

I bowed my head slightly, my warm breath falling just below Gerard's jawlind. Pleasure shot through me as the sweet sounds the older boy was making my their way to my ears, breaking through the lust-filled mist that had settled over my brain.

Gerard's moans became needier as I wrapped my hand around his heavily leaking cock, I jerked him off quickly in time with my thrusts, occasionally running my thumb over the slit, enjoying the way he squirmed underneath me. His nails dug harder into my back while his other hand pulled sharply on my hair. "Oh fuck, Frankie-" he moaned loudly as he released into my hand. His words clouded my brain as I cried his name out lowly.

The tight heat that had settled in my lower abdomen as my thrusts became sloppier and my breathing more ragged. My inhibitions dropped slightly as pleasure racked through my body, I tightly gripped the bedsheets where my hand was firmly planted. I came sharply as I moaned into Gerard's neck, the boy in question whining from overstimulation. I stilled for a moment before pulling out and chucking the condom into the trash. 

I laid down beside my best friend who lazily draped an arm around my middle, the soft weight across my stomach calming me. My Vampire's eyes were half closed, his mouth open slightly. I smiled gently at the sight before placing a kiss on his slightly sweaty forehead and brushing his black hair out of his eyes.

My eyes roved over the ceiling as the realisation hit me: I'd just fucked my best friend. My supposedly straight best friend. I'd fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was literally my first attempt at smut so don't rip me apart pls <3
> 
> I'm thinking of doing podfics to try and cope with my voice dysphoria... Idk, just thought.
> 
> Make sure you're looking after yourselves.
> 
> \- Zero


	19. Sad Shit

Frank's pov. 

Content Warning for death and police (not violence) oh, and a slight mention of guns.

Tinny music filtered out of my headphones and into the surrounding air, I bobbed my head to the beat of Jesus Of Suburbia as I headed towards the kitchen to retrieve some much needed caffeine.

I stumbled down the dark stairs, half from tiredness and half from the lack of light. I switched on the one in the yellow light hit my eyes, making me hiss slightly. I trudged down the hall to the kitchen, my plaid pyjama pants dragging along the floor.

A solid knock sounded out through the house, startling me, making me jump. I yanked my earphones out and adjusted my hole-ridden misfits shirt.

My curiosity peaked as I headed towards the door, thoughts racing through my head about who in their right mind would be knocking on my door at half one in the morning.

I opened the door cautiously, keeping one hand on the door handle, ready to slam it shut in the case of a murderer/sales person. I was, however, not met with a murderer or someone selling encyclopedias. It was a police officer. Eyes stern, hair pulled back in a tight bun behind her head, so tight, in fact, the roots of her brunette hair pulled sharply at her temples, accentuating the slight wrinkles that spread out from the corners of her eyes. Her vest that lay over a black shirt was littered with a multitude mix of various weapons. My eyes landed on a gun that sat gleefully on her side. I shifted uncomfortably, suddenly very aware of how exposed I was. Her eyes scanned over, similar to that of predator about to pounce on an unsuspecting rabbit. Making me feel very much like prey.

"Are you Frank Iero?" She asked. Her authoritative tone snapping me out of my inspection. 

"Y-yes?" I answered, though it came out more like a question than a statement.

"I have information regarding your mother." She informed me, her voice seemingly uncaring. Almost robotic.

"Where is she? Is she okay?" My mind flew back to six years ago. The similar scenario playing in the back of my mind as I wrung my hands together nervously. Sweat beaded my forehead as memories of my father's funeral flew around my head.

"She's been involved in a fatal car crash." 

Time stopped. The world fell apart around me. It felt as though my body had forgot to function, no air entered my lungs, no blood circulated through my veins, my brain failed to process the million thoughts that tried to make themselves apparent. This couldn't be real, becuase my mother could not be dead. 

The voice of the police officer, though loud, seemed muted to my ears. Her voice detailed how she had died, my brain barely registered her speech, let alone the contents of it. She ended her speech by informing me that my aunt had been contacted and would be round in the morning. The officer finished with a curt nod, leaving me swaying on the doormat.

My brain finally recollected my thoughts and I gathered myself together enough to close the door. I leaned against the solid oak, my head tilted back, staring at the blank ceiling as though looking for an explanation. I slid down the door, the hard wood pressing into my back uncomfortably. I sat, slumped, on the floor. My brain was void of any emotion. Smoke enveloped my soul, numbing down my inhibitions and covering my emotions.

My bottom lip began to tremble. The first of many tears fell down my pale face.

I let out a sob, not bothering to quieten myself. After all, there was no one in the house to hear me. I leaned my head forward to rest on the tops of my knees, my hands gripping my scalp almost painfully.

Pain and disbelief racked through my shaking body, I desperately tried to wipe away my tears, but to no avail. My hands shook furiously as I brought them away from my face. The shapes blurred around me, a sharp ringing travelled around my head, confusing me further.

I felt something wet nosing at my hand, a small whine brought me back to reality slightly. My cries ceased slightly as I looked down at my side to see Sweet Pea was sat at by me, eyeing me. She scratched at my arm, whining louder. I let out a pained sob before scooping her up into my arms. Her grey fur soaked up my tears as I cried into her. 

I tried to speak to break the sound of my sobs however my speech came out scratchy and garbled. I stared up at the ceiling, redirecting the flow of my tears to fall down my neck uncomfortably. I drew a shaky breath, my hands fiddling with my dogs collar absentmindedly.

I sat in the same position for hours, me legs became cramped and my back stiff but still I did not move. The house seemed all to quiet, a thin veil hidden over everything, as if, it too, was mourning the loss of my mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I've kinda been forgetting to update this on ao3 and updating on my wattpad, I'll try and keep up with this a bit better but if you wanna know my wattpad is @Zero_Is_Queer
> 
> -Zero


	20. Gerard Is A Good Boy And I Need To Get Better At Titles

Gerard's pov

I shoved some cookies into a pot, the translucent lid clicking into place. I headed over to the door, the tub held under one of my arms, and slid on my beaten converse. I checked my phone once again to see if Frank had responded to my messages asking if he wanted any home-made cookies. Upon seeing he still hasn't answered I breathed a deep sigh and pushed open the door to deliver them anyway.

The crisp air hit my face, the remnants of last night's light snow still hung on the tree branches and bushes. I walked briskly towards Frank's house which was only about five minutes away. The birds chirped noisily, the morning sun sending rays that cast through the clouds and bounced off the trees, sending beautiful patterns scattering over the pavement.

Despite the serenity my head still jerked rather viciously, _"fuck me gently with a chainsaw."_ My voice sounded out into the almost silent street, making me chuckle.

I reached Frank's house and pressed the doorbell, the now warm tub of freshly baked cookies was still grasped in my other hand. I heard yapping come from the other side of the door, making me grin, Sweet Pea's high pitched barks penetrating through the wood. I stood outside for a minute or two before ringing the bell again. This time I heard a loud crash come from inside the house. "STUPID! FUCKING! BULLSHIT!" I heard someone shout followed by more banging and smashing. I pushed open the door, thankful that it was unlocked, only to be met with the small grey gremlin that was Sweet Pea, she nuzzled at my leg as placed the now forgotten box of cookies by the door. 

The sound of swearing and smashing filled the otherwise desolate house, mixing between loud sobs and cries. I hesitantly opened the door to the living room, nervous to what was inside. My eyes widened as I gazed around the room. It was fucking wrecked. The pillows that once sat on the couch now upside down in the corner, a rip slashed across the underside of one. The curtain pole hung lopsided on the wall, barely hanging on. I noticed my jarred reflection in the cracked mirror that hung above the fireplace, amasses of broken crockery and cutlery sat below it in a messy heap on the floor. A lamp lay on it's side on the carpet, a ragged hole in the side of the shade. The room was thick and heavy with emotion, anger and despair seemed to practically swirl through the air. 

Frank turned to look at me, dressed in only plaid pyjama pants and an untidy Misfits shirt. His hair was greasy and knotted, as if he'd been running his hands through it for hours. His bare feet were covered in angry red cuts, presumably from traipsing through the broken ceramic. Large bags hung solemnly beneath his eyes, which were now dull and swamp-like rather than their usual bright olive hue.

"What the fuck do you want?" He spat at me, his voice laced with venom. His fists clenched at his side, as if ready to punch me with them. 

"What the fuck are you doing?!" My voice cracking, half from disbelief and half from nervousness. 

"None of your fucking business!" He yelled as he hurled the ruined lamp at me. I managed to dodge out of the way at the last second, the crack of the bulb against the wall sounded out behind me.

He stopped suddenly, as if a switch had been flicked inside his brain. His eyes began to water and he looked down at the carpet, his lip trembled viciously. Tears rolled down his face suddenly and he looked up to meet my eyes. He looked broken... More like a shell of himself opposed to the real thing.

I took a hasty step towards him, slowly, as if he was a bomb that could explode at any harsh movement, still unsure as to what was going on.

I wrapped my arms around the shaking boy, he hesitated, standing stock still for a moment before he reciprocated. I heard him inhale shakily in my ear before letting out a badly stifled sob into my shoulder. 

"She's dead!" He cried, "sh- she's dead. M- my ma- mama's dead!" 

The news fell between us like a huge, dead, gutted, fish. It lay heavy in the room. Unwanted and impossible to fathom.

"I'm so sorry, Frankie." I said quietly, rubbing my hand up and down his back in an attempt to calm him slightly. 

We stood amongst the clutter and broken cutlery, the only sounds being Frank's cries. His warm tears soaked through my hoodie, his hands gripping onto my back almost painfully.

We pulled apart after a few minutes, I eyed over my friend, remembering the last time I'd seen him so vulnerable. I shook that thought out of my head quickly.  
"When was the last time you slept?" I questioned, eyeing the dark circles under his eyes.

"'m not sure. A while ago." He responded, wiping his nose on the back of his hand. I grabbed his arm and practically dragged him towards the door. Sweet Pea's collar jingled as she got up from her place in the hall and followed us up the carpeted stairs.

I half carried Frank to his room, opening the door with one hand while Frank leant against my other side. I pushed the door open, grateful upon seeing he had left his room alone, I feared, however, for the rest of the upstairs. 

I pulled back the duvet on Frank's bed and assorted his pillows to be comfortable, while Frank stood, half dazed, swaying next to me.

I made him lay down on the bed and pulled the comforter over him, "thank you, Gee." He said quietly, his voice hoarse from crying. I said nothing, I lifted the small dog up onto the bed next to him whom immediately curled up, and kissed his forehead before heading out of the room, leaving the door ajar and going to tidy up the rest of the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eat up rats.
> 
> -Zero


	21. This Is Making Me Lose The Will To Live

Frank's pov

I woke up to the doorbell, the harsh ringing echoing around the house. Sweet Pea, who had been laying on her back, jumped off my head and headed out my bedroom door. I shrugged the duvet off myself and sat up groggily, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and looked around blearily. I noticed a small plastic tub on my bedside table, I picked it up, noticing a small piece of paper. Xo Gee, was written on the paper in scrawled black ink. I opened the pot and immediately the sweet scent of chocolate chip cookies wafted towards my nose, making me relax. "Oh I fucking love you, Gerard." I said aloud, grateful for the sustenance.

The doorbell began ringing once again, knocking me out of my half-dazed daydream. I trudged down the stairs, still clad in my pyjamas from days ago. I reached the door and opened it slowly. My aunt stood on the doorstep. For someone so closely related to my mother they turned out extremely differently, though, to be fair, my mother was hardly to blame. I noticed things on my aunt that were similar to my mother, her soft brown hair, the slight wrinkles that sprouted like tree branches from the corners of her eyes. 

My aunt had visited us alot after my father had died and I had grown extremely close to her. 

"Hi, Marie." I sighed, grateful to see her. 

"Hello, Darling." She greeted, as she placed her bags on the floor before pulling me into a bone crushing hug, "I'm so sorry about your mother." She sighed, sorrowfully.

We separated from the hug. I offered to carry her bags but she shushed me saying how it was unnecessary. I led her into the living room. "Do you want coffee, or..." I trailed off.

"Nonsense, I'm perfectly capable of making myself coffee." Marie responded as she hurried off to the kitchen. I ambled behind her and slumped down at the kitchen table, picking at the wood grain.

The noises of the kitchen muted around me as I retreated back inside my own head, the stern voice of the police officer drifted through my thoughts, chills ran up and down my spine as I remembered the world spinning around me. I snapped out of my trance when Marie sat down at the table, nursing a steaming mug of coffee. 

"Where's the- uhm, the lizard?" I asked, trying to jog my memory of the reptile my aunt was so fond of. 

"Oh you mean Harold?" She said and I nodded, "he's at a friends house, I wasn't sure how comfortable you'd be with live insects in your house."

"Oh no, that's fine. You can bring him over." I said, remembering the bearded dragon that had kept my aunt company for the past seven years. I fell quiet again, replaying the past couple days events in my head.

"Are you okay dear?" Marie asked once again, noticing the glazed over look to my eyes.

I shrugged, "I'll be okay." I said solemnly.

"I know how hard it is dear, especially becuase of your father. It's okay if you're struggling, you don't have to just get over it." She reassured me as she got up to wash her now empty cup.

"Thank you, Marie." I said honestly, a sad smile gracing and over my lips. I headed back up to my room, my still-bare feet scuffing the carpet. 

I flopped down on my bed and buried my face in my pillow, I lay there for a good fifteen minutes, breathing deeply. After the pain from the previous days all I felt now was numbness. A pure aching fog flowed through my bones, it sweeped up my inhibitions, drowning them in a deep pool of incomprehensible emotion. My mind floated through a series of memories, both good and bad, all irrelevant at the moment. 

A harsh ringing sounded out behind me, I chose to ignore and bury my face deeper into the pillow, willing the noise to stop. After a few moments I pulled my head up from where it was firmly planted in the cotton and dragged my phone from my nightstand.

I didn't bother to acknowledge the caller as I pressed the 'accept call' button, "hello?" I spoke into the phone.

"Are you okay?" The voice I recognised as my Vampire responded, concern lacing his tone.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I said, trying to joke regardless of the current situation.

"Because the last time I saw you you'd broken enough plates to make Greek newlyweds envious."

"Okay, good point." I sighed. "Can I come over? I'm having a breakdown and I don't need my aunt seeing me sobbing."

"Why did you bother- _fuck me daddy, asking?_ " He scoffed, "of course you can." He said, his voice softer.

"Okay, thank you. I'll see you in a sec." I said, my voice trailing off.

I heard Gerard shout something obscene before I hung up the phone and walked over to my closet to finally change out of my three day old pyjamas. I shrugged on an Iron Maiden hoodie and some beaten up jeans, not bothering to shower as I grabbed my phone and headed downstairs.

I walked into the kitchen where Marie was rifling through the cupboards, "I'm just gonna head over to my friends for a bit. To talk, and probably cry."

"That's fine dear, I was about to head out quickly to buy some more plates. You don't seem to have any."

"Oh yeah, a thing happened." I mumbled, "I'll pay you for the plates." I said, feeling guilty.

"That's nonsense, I'm the one with a job." She scoffed, as if the thought appalled her. I shrugged it off and went over to the door and slipped on my usual once black, now grey, converse.

I exited out the door, breathing in the crisp air that made my lungs burn from the cold. I stood in the freezing air for a moment, appreciating the frost that slapped me back to my senses. The sharp sunlight broke across the rooftops, blanketing over my face, making my eyes squint harshly. The smell of wet grass lingered in the air, a refreshing smell after hiding in my house in the same clothes for three days straight. 

I turned and walked in the direction of Gerard's house, hearing the frost crunch under my feet. I eyed the rays of sun on the paved floor, damp moss grew between the cracks. A piece of nature in a synthetic world.

I arrived at Gerard's house after five minutes, my mood lifting slightly at the thought of seeing him. I rang the bell, hearing the soft chime ring out inside the house.  
Gerard opened the door a few moments after, his black hair ruffled like normal, his usual black hoodie hung limply on his skinny frame. Dark circles framed his eyes, making him look tired and weak.

"Hi, Frankie." He said softly, I didn't respond as I walked through the door and shrugged my shoes off. I thrust my arms around him, craving the comfort of another human. I felt him reach over to close the door behind me before wrapping his own arms around my body. I nestled my head into his neck, his body heat reassuring me. I gripped his back tightly, feeling his hands run up and down my back comfortingly. 

We separated after a moment and I looked up at his eyes, "how are you?" He asked quietly, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. I shrugged at the question, my eyes casting down at my feet, the eye contact making me uncomfortable. He wrapped his arms around my small frame again, kissing me gently on my forehead. The soft contact of his lips made me shiver and I leaned into his arms. "You'll be okay." He half whispered to me.

He separated from me and grabbed my hand, hastily pulling me into the living room, "What're you doing?" I asked, my voice slurring from my lack of sleep, my socked feet dragging on the carpet.

"Looking after, you- _fuck yeah_ , you look like a corpse." He responded. He half pushed me down onto the sofa before scuttling off to the kitchen, "I'm making you coffee." He called back. I folded my knees up to my chest, sinking between the soft cushions slightly. 

I listened to the soft clanking of cups and the low grinding of the coffee machine, realising just how tired I was. Gerard re-entered the room, two steaming cups of coffee in his hands. He handed one to me before sitting down next to me on the sofa, tucking his feet up next to him. We sat in a comfortable silence, save from Gerard's occasional tics.

I thought back to the last time we had a rational conversation, though I wasn't entirely sure either of us were thinking rationally. I shook myself out of my train of thought looking round the room, eyeing the photos of various family holidays, though I noticed Gerard's father was never present. I remembered back to the conversation where Gerard had explained he'd never met his father, I remembered the vacant look in his eyes, as though trying to remember something that he couldn't reach.

I continuously sipped my coffee, welcoming the warmth. I leaned back into the sofa, taking a deep breath, intaking the bittersweet scent of the coffee.

I heard Gerard place his empty cup onto the dark coffee table, I downed the remaining contents of mine before my mug followed suit.

I leaned back into the sofa before flopping into Gerard's arms. "Talk to me." I mumbled into his hoodie.

"About what?" He asked as he rubbed his hand up and done my back in soothing motions.

"Anything, just distract me." I half slurred. My face now buried in his chest.

"Oh, uhm, I don't know- _My dick is on fire._ Oh! I finally watched The Blaire Witch Project the other day and I don't really get what all the fuss is about." I nodded to let him know I was listening, "Like they kinda just wander around a forest for a bit and then get all freaked out over piles of rock. Not to mention that dipshit that threw the map in the river."

I let Gerard continue on his tangent as I listened intently, trying to stave of the untimely memories and depression that lurked in the back of my mind.

"Gee?" I asked softly, rousing him from his speech about how The Blaire Witch Project was only good becuase it pioneered the DIY home-shot movie trope.

"Yeah?" He said, looking down at me.

"Are we gonna talk about what happened the other day-"

"I'm straight." He cut me off bluntly, "I'm straight, that wasn't supposed to happen, I don't know what did happen but it was nothing."

"Okay, that's fine." I said softly, feeling him get agitated beneath me. I couldn't help the uncomfortable disappointment that settled in my lower stomach, remembering how in tune we had felt when we had had sex. You can't have that without a connection. Can you?

I felt my eyelids grow heavy as a nuzzled further into my Vampires hoodie, hearing the soft thump of his heartbeat resonate through his chest. "You look tired." Gerard whispered to me as he began to stroke the top of my head gently, I didn't respond to him, only nodded, as I drifted off into a long awaited sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enter cooky ace/aro aunt with cool lizard.
> 
> -Zero

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this, I'll try and keep on top of it. If you haven't already realised Gerard has tourettes syndrome, I myself have it so please bear in mind that this is based off my personal experience and I do not mean to offend anyone in any way


End file.
